[ No, she doesn't know what to say. A greeting is all she has and even that is...lackluster and in poor taste. How does she reconcile the lies she has told with someone she hasn't seen in years? Leliana had known - had always known - of her departure and her reasons. Alistair, too, even if they had their differences. They knew why she made up the story she did, even if they didn't not fully understand or condone it. Neria is grateful, so grateful, for their loyalty, even if it means she must bear the complete burden of breaking the silence and telling the truth now, ten years later.
She looks away, guilty, and wills herself not to crumble too soon. None of them deserve an explanation. None of them would even begin to understand what she has done...
But it isn't right to continue lying if they are willing to give her a chance to help fix the world once more.
Neria opens her mouth, closes it, and sighs. She wishes things could be easier. ]
'Alive' is up for debate, really, but those are semantics we needn't debate. I lived through the final battle, yes; the Archdemon didn't kill me. I have my reasons for it, ones I can't ask for you or anyone else to understand.
[ And telling him would mean exposing Morrigan and the Wardens both. That can come later, when she is ready to divulge the ugliness she carries within her. Instead, she lifts her gaze to look at him, unflinching. ]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for lying to everyone. It had to be done.
[ To spare Morrigan the literal witch hunt that would follow, to ensure Alistair's claim to the throne and for a family of his own would be uncontested. To keep the Wardens off of her tail until she could rightfully see how the pieces fell into place. She promised herself that she would take care of Morrigan if she needed to...and thus far, there's been no need. Surely she can speak up now, can't she?
But no matter how she tries to form it all into words, she can't. So she opts for what's easiest: focusing the blame upon herself. ]
I've been in Ferelden, helping the Wardens, leading them up until...a few short years ago, just before the Chantry's destruction in Kirkwall. Before the Chantry and the Seekers started looking for the Champion and the Warden-Commander of Ferelden.
[ Because then the secret would have been discovered, and all of the people who worked to keep her safe would be at risk. ]
no subject
She looks away, guilty, and wills herself not to crumble too soon. None of them deserve an explanation. None of them would even begin to understand what she has done...
But it isn't right to continue lying if they are willing to give her a chance to help fix the world once more.
Neria opens her mouth, closes it, and sighs. She wishes things could be easier. ]
'Alive' is up for debate, really, but those are semantics we needn't debate. I lived through the final battle, yes; the Archdemon didn't kill me. I have my reasons for it, ones I can't ask for you or anyone else to understand.
[ And telling him would mean exposing Morrigan and the Wardens both. That can come later, when she is ready to divulge the ugliness she carries within her. Instead, she lifts her gaze to look at him, unflinching. ]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for lying to everyone. It had to be done.
[ To spare Morrigan the literal witch hunt that would follow, to ensure Alistair's claim to the throne and for a family of his own would be uncontested. To keep the Wardens off of her tail until she could rightfully see how the pieces fell into place. She promised herself that she would take care of Morrigan if she needed to...and thus far, there's been no need. Surely she can speak up now, can't she?
But no matter how she tries to form it all into words, she can't. So she opts for what's easiest: focusing the blame upon herself. ]
I've been in Ferelden, helping the Wardens, leading them up until...a few short years ago, just before the Chantry's destruction in Kirkwall. Before the Chantry and the Seekers started looking for the Champion and the Warden-Commander of Ferelden.
[ Because then the secret would have been discovered, and all of the people who worked to keep her safe would be at risk. ]