[ Cullen manages a laugh at that, smile still in place because he's certain she has seen the gathering of wood and debris still tucked in a corner. ]
Josephine was rather insistent that I allow renovations to continue here. But I chose this room because of the opening, actually.
[ For the time being, he looks through it, finding his gaze locked to the skies above. The stars are out in full force tonight, not a single cloud in the sky. Truthfully, it's in that fresh air that comes through the hole in the ceiling that he doesn't feel closed in, suffocated. Such small windows remind him of the below decks of the many ships he has had to reside in. Small, closed off, stale air that is hard to breathe. The cold air that graces his lungs makes him feel as if he is out in the open, yet he is safe within these walls. Cullen doesn't share that information, however, finding shame in having a fear of small spaces. ]
[ Kirkwall isn't necessarily a better change of subject, but he'll take it. ]
No, it's quite alright. I can.
[ Cullen doesn't look directly at Neria, not right away, and he straightens his posture a moment. ]
I was transferred to Kirwall after... Well, the events in the Circle Tower. I will admit, I was not my best after that. You certainly witnessed first-hand what happened to me, and it's not something you recover from over night.
They sent me there believing it would do me well, that I could rise in the ranks. Which I did, and I served under Knight-Commander Meredith as the Knight-Captain.
[ He frowns. ]
I'm certain you heard of the rebellion at Kirkwall, of the Knight-Commander who saw to imprison the Champion, Hawke...
While she saw much in me, had faith in me, I believe it was merely in our shared... Discontent with mages. I'll admit, I harbored a further negative opinion on them after what occurred before the Harrowing Chamber that night. Meredith saw the same, perhaps more.
Mages and their sympathizers were accused and threatened. By her. She had lost her mind, allowed herself to be taken by the powers of red lyrium.
It was in that rebellion that I saw further bloodshed, innocents dying in the streets where Meredith saw fit to accuse even more of the Champion. I sided with him and opposed her, because even in my own discontent and mistrust, I still believed all were innocent until proven guilty.
[ With a sigh, he shakes his head. ]
That... Is the shortened version. I'm afraid going any further would take far longer than one night.
I... Want you to know.
I wish you could have seen how I had changed, how things became so different after Kirkwall. I am not innocent, but my view of mages has changed in the many years between us.
I want to apologize. For begging you to kill all of those people, for the hurtful things I said. I only wish I had learned before Kirkwall, before I bore witness to so many innocent mages and regular people die for no reason.
no subject
Josephine was rather insistent that I allow renovations to continue here. But I chose this room because of the opening, actually.
[ For the time being, he looks through it, finding his gaze locked to the skies above. The stars are out in full force tonight, not a single cloud in the sky. Truthfully, it's in that fresh air that comes through the hole in the ceiling that he doesn't feel closed in, suffocated. Such small windows remind him of the below decks of the many ships he has had to reside in. Small, closed off, stale air that is hard to breathe. The cold air that graces his lungs makes him feel as if he is out in the open, yet he is safe within these walls. Cullen doesn't share that information, however, finding shame in having a fear of small spaces. ]
[ Kirkwall isn't necessarily a better change of subject, but he'll take it. ]
No, it's quite alright. I can.
[ Cullen doesn't look directly at Neria, not right away, and he straightens his posture a moment. ]
I was transferred to Kirwall after... Well, the events in the Circle Tower. I will admit, I was not my best after that. You certainly witnessed first-hand what happened to me, and it's not something you recover from over night.
They sent me there believing it would do me well, that I could rise in the ranks. Which I did, and I served under Knight-Commander Meredith as the Knight-Captain.
[ He frowns. ]
I'm certain you heard of the rebellion at Kirkwall, of the Knight-Commander who saw to imprison the Champion, Hawke...
While she saw much in me, had faith in me, I believe it was merely in our shared... Discontent with mages. I'll admit, I harbored a further negative opinion on them after what occurred before the Harrowing Chamber that night. Meredith saw the same, perhaps more.
Mages and their sympathizers were accused and threatened. By her. She had lost her mind, allowed herself to be taken by the powers of red lyrium.
It was in that rebellion that I saw further bloodshed, innocents dying in the streets where Meredith saw fit to accuse even more of the Champion. I sided with him and opposed her, because even in my own discontent and mistrust, I still believed all were innocent until proven guilty.
[ With a sigh, he shakes his head. ]
That... Is the shortened version. I'm afraid going any further would take far longer than one night.
I... Want you to know.
I wish you could have seen how I had changed, how things became so different after Kirkwall. I am not innocent, but my view of mages has changed in the many years between us.
I want to apologize. For begging you to kill all of those people, for the hurtful things I said. I only wish I had learned before Kirkwall, before I bore witness to so many innocent mages and regular people die for no reason.