[ The response is punctuated with an upwelling of mana that would normally signal a spell...but that's it. Nothing happens. And just that quickly, Neria deflates, ashamed as she turns away. ]
No. I mean... I don't know. What I want is unimportant now.
[ To go back and do it all again, to refuse the ritual and let herself go, or to make up her mind and be honest... Either way, she wants to accept her consequences. The lie had been easy at first until people began looking for the Warden-Commander and when she knew it would all come tumbling down. They weren't looking for a fighter or a commander; these people were looking for a miracle that she didn't have. How could she tell them the truth then, and to then explain that it was all due to blood magic? She would compromise not only herself but Morrigan and Alistair both, something she refuses to do.
Neria lets out a tight, uncomfortable sigh. ]
I want...to make amends. I want to fix what I have done. But this means opening old wounds and healing them again, healing them properly and not with lies. There are some things that shouldn't be reopened, shouldn't be discussed. I can't ask people to feel pain again for me simply so I can feel better about myself.
[ Now, she looks up at him, and the smile on her face is not kind. It is riddled with self-deprecation. ]
How selfish can I be by asking people to do that? I'd almost prefer a true decree of exile, in that case.
I have to be better. I have to do something better with myself, or everything I've done will have been pointless. That's what I was trying to do before...before Adamant. Before we ruined everything.
no subject
[ The response is punctuated with an upwelling of mana that would normally signal a spell...but that's it. Nothing happens. And just that quickly, Neria deflates, ashamed as she turns away. ]
No. I mean... I don't know. What I want is unimportant now.
[ To go back and do it all again, to refuse the ritual and let herself go, or to make up her mind and be honest... Either way, she wants to accept her consequences. The lie had been easy at first until people began looking for the Warden-Commander and when she knew it would all come tumbling down. They weren't looking for a fighter or a commander; these people were looking for a miracle that she didn't have. How could she tell them the truth then, and to then explain that it was all due to blood magic? She would compromise not only herself but Morrigan and Alistair both, something she refuses to do.
Neria lets out a tight, uncomfortable sigh. ]
I want...to make amends. I want to fix what I have done. But this means opening old wounds and healing them again, healing them properly and not with lies. There are some things that shouldn't be reopened, shouldn't be discussed. I can't ask people to feel pain again for me simply so I can feel better about myself.
[ Now, she looks up at him, and the smile on her face is not kind. It is riddled with self-deprecation. ]
How selfish can I be by asking people to do that? I'd almost prefer a true decree of exile, in that case.
I have to be better. I have to do something better with myself, or everything I've done will have been pointless. That's what I was trying to do before...before Adamant. Before we ruined everything.