[ There is a point in the conversation where he believes that hanging on every word would prove to be fruitless. He forces himself to settle on the fact that Neria will disappear again, that he will be left to wonder what might have been. The future isn't promised to any of them, and just as much had been proven the first time she had been presumed as dead. There is some solace in knowing that her disappearance would be of choice, of moving on rather than going in exile and making everyone think she has passed. But it still leaves so much unanswered, so many questions and just a visual of their fingers tangled and their palms pressed together. ]
[ He manages a weak, crooked smile at the mention of what seemingly positive future he has. But it's hard to believe, especially when such a future just seems so lonely. Without orders and a battle to fight, what else does he have? Of course, he could go back to his siblings... But Maker, would they even want to? After how horribly wrong he has been in keeping the lines of communication open? ]
[ I would stay with you... Those words hit him like a ton of bricks, certainly words he hadn't expected her to say when she had just made it seem apparent she would leave. The promise of her not disappearing seals it, and Cullen meets Neria's gaze with a look of shock and disbelief. There is hope in that gaze, a hope that makes his eyes briefly gloss over with wetness and threaten to overflow. He'd let himself grow so attached, so hopeful of... Something that he isn't quite certain of between them. But it was something, and that was enough. It was better than going the rest of his life wondering what else could have been said. ]
Neria, I--
[ He clears his throat, forcing the emotion that threatens to undo him back down. It requires that he look away again, where they look back at their hands as they tighten around hers. They shake a touch, and he scoots his chair forward enough that their knees touch. In a moment of weakness and doubt of their existence yet again, he moves his hands to feel her pulse weakly through her gloves again. ]
I would hate for you to become complacent for my sake. Don't let my ill-advised attachment hold you down. I am not...
no subject
[ He manages a weak, crooked smile at the mention of what seemingly positive future he has. But it's hard to believe, especially when such a future just seems so lonely. Without orders and a battle to fight, what else does he have? Of course, he could go back to his siblings... But Maker, would they even want to? After how horribly wrong he has been in keeping the lines of communication open? ]
[ I would stay with you... Those words hit him like a ton of bricks, certainly words he hadn't expected her to say when she had just made it seem apparent she would leave. The promise of her not disappearing seals it, and Cullen meets Neria's gaze with a look of shock and disbelief. There is hope in that gaze, a hope that makes his eyes briefly gloss over with wetness and threaten to overflow. He'd let himself grow so attached, so hopeful of... Something that he isn't quite certain of between them. But it was something, and that was enough. It was better than going the rest of his life wondering what else could have been said. ]
Neria, I--
[ He clears his throat, forcing the emotion that threatens to undo him back down. It requires that he look away again, where they look back at their hands as they tighten around hers. They shake a touch, and he scoots his chair forward enough that their knees touch. In a moment of weakness and doubt of their existence yet again, he moves his hands to feel her pulse weakly through her gloves again. ]
I would hate for you to become complacent for my sake. Don't let my ill-advised attachment hold you down. I am not...
Your life is not determined by my own.