[ She detests how hesitant she is. It has been so long since she has been able to trust someone so implicitly and that alone scares her. So much of who she is and who she wants to be is tied to the validation he provides. Even without Cullen, he has offered her a window into a glimpse of what she should be striving to be, the things she should be doing beyond her small focus of the Wardens and the Calling. He has given her hope for herself as well as her people.
Her hands tighten around his, eyes meeting his own even if the intensity of his gaze is nearly paralyzing. She knows what he is hoping she will divulge. Since their discussion prior to Halamshiral, she has known that whatever they could be is tied to her decision whether to stay or eventually leave.
When Neria speaks, her voice is quiet, but what she hopes to say is important to clarify. ]
I wasn't meaning the Inquisition. The Inquisition has offered me...opportunity. Kaia has offered me opportunity, stability, and trust. I am forever grateful for that. But when I speak of belonging...I'm speaking of you.
[ She has no family any longer, no one to call hers. The closest she has are those from the Fifth Blight and they are scattered, only Leliana, Alistair, and Oghren remaining in positions she can find easily enough. But beyond their shared history and tied miseries, Cullen has given her more than she can say. He has given her something to aspire to. In many ways, Cullen has given her back her life and her happiness.
So why is it still so hard to tell him how he makes her feel? It would not be kind of her to turn it back on him, to ask him what he should want, not when he has made it clear how he wishes her to remain. ]
When the Inquisition is freed of the threat of Corypheus, there are things I wish to do.
[ Seeing Alistair, continuing her research, keeping the Wardens safe. ]
Every day, I consider what will happen when this is over. At first, I simply imagined I would return from whence I came to continue what I was working on. But now-- Imagining my life without you, after all that has happened, is...painful. I care for you, more than I have the courage to say, and it shames me to admit that I still can't seem to find the right thing to say.
[ She closes her eyes tightly, wishing she could simply say it without feeling afraid. But she wants to try. Maker's breath, she wants to try for him. ]
no subject
Her hands tighten around his, eyes meeting his own even if the intensity of his gaze is nearly paralyzing. She knows what he is hoping she will divulge. Since their discussion prior to Halamshiral, she has known that whatever they could be is tied to her decision whether to stay or eventually leave.
When Neria speaks, her voice is quiet, but what she hopes to say is important to clarify. ]
I wasn't meaning the Inquisition. The Inquisition has offered me...opportunity. Kaia has offered me opportunity, stability, and trust. I am forever grateful for that. But when I speak of belonging...I'm speaking of you.
[ She has no family any longer, no one to call hers. The closest she has are those from the Fifth Blight and they are scattered, only Leliana, Alistair, and Oghren remaining in positions she can find easily enough. But beyond their shared history and tied miseries, Cullen has given her more than she can say. He has given her something to aspire to. In many ways, Cullen has given her back her life and her happiness.
So why is it still so hard to tell him how he makes her feel? It would not be kind of her to turn it back on him, to ask him what he should want, not when he has made it clear how he wishes her to remain. ]
When the Inquisition is freed of the threat of Corypheus, there are things I wish to do.
[ Seeing Alistair, continuing her research, keeping the Wardens safe. ]
Every day, I consider what will happen when this is over. At first, I simply imagined I would return from whence I came to continue what I was working on. But now-- Imagining my life without you, after all that has happened, is...painful. I care for you, more than I have the courage to say, and it shames me to admit that I still can't seem to find the right thing to say.
[ She closes her eyes tightly, wishing she could simply say it without feeling afraid. But she wants to try. Maker's breath, she wants to try for him. ]
I love you.