[ She is terrified of saying it and it takes every ounce of courage she has to put words to her feelings. Neria doubts Cullen will make her feel ashamed for it, nor does she expect him to really turn her away out of cruelty. What she feels is overwhelming, unknown in so many senses of the word. She knows love, has had love, but nothing beyond the feeling of family. Of belonging. Of knowing she has worth in someone's eyes and not because she has a mantle of authority. But this is...more, exponentially so. How can she contain it in words? How can she tell him how grateful she is for the chance to be a person first and not simply a figure, to make sense of the mistakes she's made and to attempt to fix them?
Neria feels breathless with the words she says, three little ones, and she feels moisture behind her eyes that she has to turn her head down to hide. She feels foolish, even if he holds her hands closer, and she looks up at him with glassy eyes that are wide and she does smile, at last, the seriousness of the subject and her own feelings laid bare. The look he gives her is enough to leave her heart aching painfully, but she almost laughs with how ridiculous she feels, nearly crying over finally being able to say something honest and true. ]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I-- I'm terrible at saying the things I mean.
[ As much as she hates to let go of his hands, one hand slips out to touch his face, to hold him. Cullen is pale and looks so tired, but his smile is radiant just the same, a patch of sunlight on an otherwise cloudy day. ]
You have made every part of this - me being here, fighting, fixing what I have done - bearable. You have made it wonderful. If we die tomorrow, I need you to know that I am happier with you than I have been in years.
[ She loves him. She knows it. She has known it, and it has not been a denial so much as a slow dragging of her feet to say something so important. Now, now is the best time, and she feels lighter for having said so, for finally being honest with him. ]
I love you, Cullen. I truly love you with all of who I am.
no subject
Neria feels breathless with the words she says, three little ones, and she feels moisture behind her eyes that she has to turn her head down to hide. She feels foolish, even if he holds her hands closer, and she looks up at him with glassy eyes that are wide and she does smile, at last, the seriousness of the subject and her own feelings laid bare. The look he gives her is enough to leave her heart aching painfully, but she almost laughs with how ridiculous she feels, nearly crying over finally being able to say something honest and true. ]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I-- I'm terrible at saying the things I mean.
[ As much as she hates to let go of his hands, one hand slips out to touch his face, to hold him. Cullen is pale and looks so tired, but his smile is radiant just the same, a patch of sunlight on an otherwise cloudy day. ]
You have made every part of this - me being here, fighting, fixing what I have done - bearable. You have made it wonderful. If we die tomorrow, I need you to know that I am happier with you than I have been in years.
[ She loves him. She knows it. She has known it, and it has not been a denial so much as a slow dragging of her feet to say something so important. Now, now is the best time, and she feels lighter for having said so, for finally being honest with him. ]
I love you, Cullen. I truly love you with all of who I am.