It wasn't a question she expected. Worse, still, that she did not anticipate how much it hurt her. Kell did not hurt her; the memories the question drew up did. And Neria closed her eyes to it. There was a faint tremor in her hands.
"Because I wanted to be anywhere but there."
She hadn't been looking for Arnes. She had been looking for safety, for comfort. It made sense to her that the dark, which now bent to her whims and whispered at her call, would show her the way to someone who had always given her both of those things...even when she had been at her lowest. Everything else had been lost. But Kell-- Kell was untouched. He had escaped. She'd never thought, until this moment, that it might have been better if she took the door too.
"I...just wanted to get away. I'd gone into the dark before and escaped somewhere. Somewhere very deep and dark, where nothing else existed. But I...kept going, this time," she whispered. It made her sound as if she'd lost her mind, she realized.
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"Because I wanted to be anywhere but there."
She hadn't been looking for Arnes. She had been looking for safety, for comfort. It made sense to her that the dark, which now bent to her whims and whispered at her call, would show her the way to someone who had always given her both of those things...even when she had been at her lowest. Everything else had been lost. But Kell-- Kell was untouched. He had escaped. She'd never thought, until this moment, that it might have been better if she took the door too.
"I...just wanted to get away. I'd gone into the dark before and escaped somewhere. Somewhere very deep and dark, where nothing else existed. But I...kept going, this time," she whispered. It made her sound as if she'd lost her mind, she realized.