His words hurt, cut her deeper than they should have. Neria stared at Kell, long and hard, with a wide-eyed sort of disbelief. Even back then, Murphy felt she was important. Neria remembered Murphy coming into the tent with her injuries, the both of them embracing. And she had sworn a debt to Kell--

The lines didn't match up. It twisted her heart deep in her chest and she felt another sting of utter agony at the loss.

"I deserved it," she whispered, almost too low to be audible. "I deserved it for allowing it to continue. I should have refused her. I should have asked for her to be set free." She closed her eyes. "We were together one night, when I sent Archer away. I wanted... I wanted--" Her thoughts were spinning without a place to catch on. She curled in on herself, looking so much smaller, fingers slipping into her hair. "I always lose things when I try to be selfish."