[ The year she had spent with her companions when she first became a Warden was the happiest time of her life. It's an odd thing to think about, that their every day forays with death and danger would be happy for her...but Neria had no family, no future, and in traveling with people she could trust and rely on, people she could love and care for, she found peace and solace. She found a home. And then, she had been complacent and overly hopeful, and the promise of a brighter tomorrow after the Blight seemed so far away. She never took the opportunity to tell them how she felt or how happy she had been, and in her desperation, she only ended up pushing them all away.
Not again. Never again, not with the people she has left, not with Leliana or Alistair or Cullen. She can't.
But that only scratches the surface. She has grown comfortable with Cullen, in their secrets and shared misery, in the care they have given one another. He has offered her hope when she had none, faith when she had lost it all. Can she do nothing less than offer the same? And her feelings, how she's grown attached-- She can't deny those, either, even if it is difficult to put them to words or know the extent of them at this juncture. They are grown; he is not her guardian and she is not his charge. The boundaries they had no longer apply. He is her friend, her ally, her comrade, and her partner. That has been enough.
Does she want more? She has to search herself, but the answer is yes. Is she ready for it? That...she does not know. But she knows she wants to support him, to walk beside him and be with him, and that can be suitable enough for her to make the offer she has. ]
I don't know how I would be complacent in doing this, and I certainly wouldn't be weighing myself down. Cullen, you're my friend, you are--
[ The words stick. She doesn't want him to think he is only a friend, that this will spin nowhere, and that she is putting a wall between them. She just doesn't know how to express how she feels when she hasn't done it before with anyone else like this. ]
You are important to me. Like it or not, I care about you. And I want to be here with you. This... All of this wouldn't be the same without you here. Why would I feel like you - you, of all people - are holding me down?
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Not again. Never again, not with the people she has left, not with Leliana or Alistair or Cullen. She can't.
But that only scratches the surface. She has grown comfortable with Cullen, in their secrets and shared misery, in the care they have given one another. He has offered her hope when she had none, faith when she had lost it all. Can she do nothing less than offer the same? And her feelings, how she's grown attached-- She can't deny those, either, even if it is difficult to put them to words or know the extent of them at this juncture. They are grown; he is not her guardian and she is not his charge. The boundaries they had no longer apply. He is her friend, her ally, her comrade, and her partner. That has been enough.
Does she want more? She has to search herself, but the answer is yes. Is she ready for it? That...she does not know. But she knows she wants to support him, to walk beside him and be with him, and that can be suitable enough for her to make the offer she has. ]
I don't know how I would be complacent in doing this, and I certainly wouldn't be weighing myself down. Cullen, you're my friend, you are--
[ The words stick. She doesn't want him to think he is only a friend, that this will spin nowhere, and that she is putting a wall between them. She just doesn't know how to express how she feels when she hasn't done it before with anyone else like this. ]
You are important to me. Like it or not, I care about you. And I want to be here with you. This... All of this wouldn't be the same without you here. Why would I feel like you - you, of all people - are holding me down?