ruinations | adsom: reunions

Kell wasn’t in Neria’s mind, and she wasn’t brushing against his, but he didn’t need it to see the cold stillness that settled over her – and he knew that it wasn’t for the reason his King and Queen may have thought it was. It was all he could do to keep his expression blank, to not push against the fragile silence and break something by tipping the balance.

When she breathed again, he let the air in his lungs flow slowly out, masking the moment with his cup against his lips, his eyelashes lowering down and over his eyes.

… and they stayed there, through her promise, though cold stole through his nerves and muscles, into his bones. He didn’t look at her, didn’t look at the royals, fought himself to stillness and silence. He took a deep, long drink of tea.

Meanwhile, Emira’s dark eyes changed, the corner of her mouth tight, and there was something of Kell in her expression now, there and gone.

Maxim nodded, the gold of his crown glinting against his hair. “It is for the best if we move forward with that goal in mind. Your best resource will be Tieren. Kell will work with you both to resolve this.”

It had the tone of an order, and Kell put his teacup down with a short nod. “Yes, sir.”

Maxim sighed, settling back slowly in his chair, the most animation he had shown since the beginning of their meeting – and Emira’s expression finally softened from the careful composure.

“I understand that you were a friend to Rhy and Kell in Asora?”

She was silent, listening, watching. But something in the way they interacted - Maxim, Emira, and Kell - that unsettled her. It had been so many years since Neria had seen and interacted with her own parents, but Irving had never looked at her the way the King and Queen looked at Kell.

But she remembered the look in her father's eyes when he handed her her belongings, her coat, her one pair of boots. The iciness, the distance. It wasn't the same, but it still did not feel right.

Slowly, she reached for the tea that she had not touched, the tips of her fingers testing the heat. She drew the teacup to her with care and sipped silently. Emira addressed her again. Neria set the cup down upon the saucer softly.

"Yes. I am." Present tense. She wished she could reach for Kell in that moment, to hold his hand. To assure him again. She did not.

Instead, Neria lifted her head somewhat, taking in the small changes upon Queen Emira's countenance. "I am very fortunate to have met the both of them. Kell saved my life once and Rhy was a bright light on our dreary traveling days." She tried for a smile that did not come. She only felt tired in remembering what had been.

Edited 2018-10-03 01:44 (UTC)

A change came over Emira then- like something pulling away from her, cracks at the edges of her composure. Her shoulders were set against some invisible weight, composed and still, but the darkness of her eyes told a different story. Someone under that sheen of frost. It was small, there and gone.

She dipped her head in a nod.

“You are welcome here, Neria Surana.”

It wasn’t a polite platitude, or a matter of ceremony.

The change struck her, even with how minimal it was. Both the King and Queen seemed curtained by something, every part of them cloistered away. She imagined, for a moment, wanting to see further, deeper--

And decided, quite pointedly, against it. But the Queen's words had a near immediate effect upon Neria: her lips parted briefly, eyes widening by a fraction. And then, she bowed once more, low, grateful. She closed her eyes and allowed just a sliver of relief to wash over her.

"Thank you, Your Grace." Genuine, heartfelt, no matter the strength Neria tried to exude. Slowly, she straightened once more, and there was a ghost of a smile at long last. "I appreciate your kindness."

Emira nodded, and finally lifted her teacup to take a drink, letting everyone's nerves settle. Though she didn't quite smile there was something far more settled about her, something less of a strung bow in the play of muscle in Maxim's shoulders.

Kell didn't reach for her, not in front of them. But he relaxed as she did, and beneath the table he settled his foot alongside hers, the side of his boot pressed against her own. Steady.

"Where's Rhy?" he asked. He could feel that he was close, somewhere in the castle, feeling the echoed slap of Kell's emotions. Stressed.

"Putting together the last of the preparations," Maxim answered. "Our guests are due to arrive before sundown." He paused, lifted his eyes to take Kell in. "You are still expected to be present."

"Yes," Kell answered, sighing heavily, and Emira frowned at him over the rim of her teacup -- a flicker of something long-worn and stern. Motherly.

"Sir," Kell added. "We will be there."

The touch even of Kell's boot beside her own brought her comfort enough. She turned her foot just slightly to tap it against his own, enough to provide her gratitude. And there it remained, against his own, leaning on his strength while her own rallied in the - at last - comfortable silence.

She took up her teacup again so she could drink. It hid the brief smile at Kell's long-winded sigh, and allowed her to gather herself so she could focus better.

That was right. Kell had told her about visitors and the Games.

"What, exactly, is the Essen Tasch?" she asked. That was what the guard called them last night. Finally, finally, she looked at Kell for a brief moment. "You told me a little...but not everything." She frowned. "I don't want to stand out, no matter where I am in Arnes." And yet she would, she realized, even as the words stood out. Kell had told her people would sense her power, know she was other. Her ears, too. Her gaze came back to the King and Queen. "If it would be more beneficial to you, I can make myself scarce. I know there are a great many people from elsewhere here and I recognize my appearance is nowhere near fortuitous." In truth, she was another problem. She had no trouble recognizing and putting a name to it. "I would do whatever would be most amenable to Your Grace - especially at such a time."

Neria had training in court, he knew, but it was different to see her in action. Strange, too, to see her use it on his family. While Kell could be formal with them (and often was) they were still the people he'd grown up with, and watching her put on the mask of courtly manners was... jarring. Strange.

Even if it was necessary, for now.

For the King and Queen this was old hat, and their most comfortable way of relating to others.

"The Essen Tasch is roughly translated to the Element Games," Maxim explained, in his low and steady voice. Kell's shoulders relaxed; it was a story he knew well. "It is a tradition borne of the end of the last Imperial War. The neighbors of Arnes are the empires of Vesk and Faro. The Games are meant as a practice of peace and friendship between our countries, a way to foster alliances and healthy rivalries."

Meant to be, perhaps, but Maxim was not giving voice to the obvious; that peace was clearly tenuous.

"The royal families of Arnes, Vesk and Faro do not often meet," Emira added. "While we are in communication with them through our emissaries, and our ports of trade are open, the lands are still very insular."

"They also provide a way for us to test each others' strength without true aggression." Maxim was more grave, folding his hands. His fingers held very old scars, the sort one would get from wielding a blade.

Kell set down his teacup, filling in the rest. "In practice, it is like a holiday. It lasts for five days and nights. The days are for the tournament fights, the nights are for the balls, for the celebrations held all over the city.

"The Games themselves are magic duels. Rhy can explain how it all works-" Kell shook his head, gesturing with one hand, not quite meeting anyone's eyes. "He's the one in charge of hosting the Games this year."

Though Kell said it casually, it was a monumental bit of responsibility, and far from one to take lightly.

Maxim, thankfully, was not looking too critically at Kell for the moment. Instead he was looking Neria over.

"Kell mentioned your heritage, but you appear to be human."

"Rhy will be--" Hosting. There was a brief flicker of a smile, even as she turned it all over and pilfered through the information that was given. "I hope he is excited to do so." It sounded like a great privilege and one that would not be taken lightly. That is, until she remembered...

Rhy's eye. Rhy, hosting magic duels and grand balls, now sporting the eye of an Antari. Unconsciously, Neria brushed up against Kell's thoughts, as if seeking an opinion to a question she hadn't even properly asked, but then she was gone again. Kell needed his focus, as did she.

The rest of the information wasn't altogether surprising. Testing strength without aggression. Orlais did something similar, hosting grand jousts. The Marches did as well. But they weren't based in magic. She saw the threads Maxim and Emira painted for her without needing to go further. Celebrations of allies while taking great care to discover who was a threat and who needed to be watched.

It was cunning and clever. Her countenance was thoughtful and not one of reproach. She started to say something else, to comment on such a thing, when she noticed the King's eyes upon her.

Neria shifted somewhat, but not entirely uncomfortably. Slowly, she lifted her hands to tug back the pieces of her hair that she allowed to be long, pulling them aside so she could expose one pointed ear. "I've had a great deal of practice making myself seem human, Your Grace. Elves have very few differences in our physical traits from humans as well. Our eyes are different at night, noticeably so, for instance." She lowered her hair once more, smoothing it back into place. "They say that, once, we were a race predisposed to magic but if that was true, I'm afraid it is long gone." Carefully, she did not mention how it was humans who caused the great genocide of her race. "We are not a well loved people."

Kell's eyebrow twitched at the touch of her mind against his, but he did not push when he felt her reconsider and withdraw. The last thing they needed was to have to explain that connection to his parents when they invariably noticed that something was silently happening between them.

Instead, he listened to the way Neria explained what she was. It was still... strange to him. For all that it had effected her so deeply, for all that she saw herself as other, Kell very rarely thought of Neria as different. Even the elves of Aallotar had seemed different to him, but she never had.

He kept his foot where it was.

"Your race is not one that exists in this world," Maxim answered, his words measured. He did not know the history she hinted at, or what it meant to her. Emira, meanwhile, had lifted her eyes to Kell, who nodded, already anticipating her question.

"I can disguise you as a human," Kell pointed out. "It would be a simple illusion. I can have it ready before the royals arrive tonight."

Emira nodded, her brow creasing slightly in concern. "You say your kind are not predisposed to magic, but according to Kell, you wield powers on par with his own. Is that true?"

"I've heard that often, Your Grace. Almost everyone I have met from other worlds has told me so. I wonder if they never existed or if they existed so long ago that when they died out, there was no record of them." Her tone was level, polite, and only factual. Her expression never wavered. Though emotional to her, it was a rehearsed sort of discussion after having so many previously - with Damen, Law, Symon, Grell. Some worlds simply had humans populating them.

Briefly, she looked to Kell. Silence followed and, slowly, she dipped her head in a firm nod. "That would be best, I think. Better that I at least look...normal." She would not say she looked as if she belonged.

Neria reached for her teacup and drew it close, but did not drink before answering the Queen's question. It was difficult to know what to say. Being honest would likely only hurt both her and Kell, and in looking across at the King and Queen who held themselves so tightly, who very likely looked on her with some measure of fear already... She frowned, her thumb brushing over the rim of the cup. "The magic I have from my home pales in comparison to Kell's own," she answered truthfully. No Thedosian mage could compare to an Antari except, perhaps, a Magister using blood magic. "I learned other magic in Asora that allowed me to be stronger. At this point, Kell is likely still stronger than I am."

It wasn't a lie, even if Neria's truth came from a place still steeped in guilt and self-loathing, something that still told her she was weak for what had happened in Aallotar. For all the things she failed to do.

Normal, she said, as if she were somehow abnormal. But Kell had grown up with an eye that looked like a void in the world, the kind that most were too afraid to meet, and he knew what she meant. He kept his mouth shut.

"Strong enough to come here," Emira said softly. Gravely. She put her own cup down and watched Neria, a touch of tension in her brow -- but it was not something she was holding back, or hiding.

Neria meant to help them, and she was sincere in her feelings. Though they would not trust her implicitly, Kell's parents trusted her enough to believe she did not wish them harm, and would help them to close off the rifts that had allowed her to Travel.

"We will fix it," Kell said softly, but firmly. It was a tone of reassurance, and he sounded far older than he was. The crease in Emira's brow minutely smoothed, and she nodded.

"We understand you are a healer as well?" Maxim asked, steering them back to the course.

That wasn't strength to her. It was an ability, perhaps. Strength, to her, was the capability of circumventing great tragedy. When she thought of power, she thought of Kell on the battlefield. She thought of being able to save lives. Going from one world to another was a fluke, something she hadn't even been rightfully attempting.

But she did not argue. Kell assured the Queen of their goal. All Neria did was nod in agreement with him. There was no point disputing the fact.

And for the King, she provided another dip of her head. "I am, Your Grace." That was also a truth she would not deny.

As well as each element, and Travel.

The King and Queen exchanged a significant look, one that Kell understood, and felt his stomach clench at.

"Your abilities are not common ones," Emira explained, more gently now. "Not here." She paused, as if searching for the words, for how to explain, but Kell took it up without prevaricating.

"The visiting royals are all going to wonder why you don't have an Antari eye."

A mark of magic out of balance, and therefore, in some eyes, corrupted.

Her gaze fell upon the shared look between the royals, her hands tightening together in her lap. The explanations did not come easy for her, even if they were logical. A sharp canine bit down at the corner of her lip silently as she considered.

It was Kell whom she finally turned to. "What would be considered a common ability, then?" she asked quietly, her voice softer than it had been thus far. She maintained her posture, clinging to what little confidence she had, but she was treading into a place that was far too foreign for her. If she did not adapt, if the visitors suspected her of something strange, then no amount of hiding would shake them. Neria remembered Kell's warning from the night before. She would be seen as someone worth pursuing if it meant having handles on the crown here.

She considered, again, that it might be more useful for her to simply be scarce.

"Would they even be able to tell what I could do?"

"Some can see or sense magic in others," Kell answered, "but those who can past more than a feeling are few and far between."

He touched the table, spread his fingers. "Elemental affinity is common. You might choose one or two. Healing is less so, but welcome anywhere. Travel is an ability unique to Antari."

With a shake of his head, he lifted his eyes to the royals. "If Neria stays close to me and anything seems amiss, our guests would easily dismiss it as my doing."

"For the best," the King answered, but his golden eyes were pinned to Kell. He knew exactly what he was doing, but didn't care to stop him.

"But how would they be able to know I could Travel if I don't seem like an outsider?" she asked. "If my ears are hidden and I do not use magic near people--" It would be incredibly limiting but she could do it for the duration of the Games if it meant keeping Kell and his family safe from prying eyes. Whatever the cost, she would pay it.

Neria saw Kell's setup for what it was. She swallowed the other protests, certain it would just unravel whatever he was doing.

Elemental affinity was common, one or two. Healing. She could...keep to those. No Arcane. She breathed out and took a sip of her drink.

"Whatever you would have me do, I will do it. As I said, I know my presence is a burden. I'll do whatever must be done to ensure no one looks at me twice."

"It will work," Kell insisted. He was nowhere near as persuasive as Rhy, but he had the weight of truth on his side, and he knew that his parents would rather have Neria as close as possible, rather than hide her away somewhere they would not be able to keep close track of her.

... and they could trust Kell.

Couldn't they?

The royals exchanged a glance, but then Maxim nodded.

"I would not call this a burden, so much as a concern. Stay close to Kell. He will keep you from a misstep."

And in the meantime, it would keep Kell occupied, give him a distraction from the circumstances of the current situation.

If Kell insisted, she had to believe in him. She trusted him completely. Being told she could remain beside him and close was a relief, even if it did not appear so. Her posture remained the same; her expression never shifted. If anything, she took the statement as one might take a command, and only dipped her head into a nod.

"As you say."

Her foot pressed back against his own, seeking a moment's reassurance.

"Thank you, Your Grace."

She would not name it aloud but to be allowed to remain in the kingdom, even temporarily, was a boon. It kept her from an important duty, yes, but it allowed her this time to heal and a reprieve from all she'd been doing. That was, in and of itself, an immeasurable gift.

Beneath the table, Kell shifted his leg to press against hers from knee to ankle to boot, steady. This had gone well.

King Maxim acknowledged the thanks with a nod, then turned to Kell, his voice lowering to the tone of a command.

"See Tieren later today. He will be busy with the last of the Games to prepare for, but we dare not let this lie longer than we must."

Kell inclined his head, a slight bow. "Yes, sir."

"We have more preparations to see to," Emira said quietly, looking between the both of them. "Is there anything else?"

Kell said nothing, but his eyes flickered toward Neria, in question.

She shook her head at the question. There were no more questions, but as she started to speak, she paused. In her stomach, she knew it would simply be easier if she let it go and did not speak of it immediately. Kell's world was safe for the moment. But if it came out later that she held something back, surely she would be seen as an enemy too.

Her fingers tightened. Quietly, she began: "There is one more thing." Her gaze turned to Kell for a moment, apologetic. One more burden to carry. And as she turned back to Maxim and Emira, her posture straightened again.

"I have a question, Your Grace, but one that is dire." She had to phrase it well. She knew what part of the answer was already, as Kell had confirmed it once. But if something had changed... "Have you heard anything of a Blight? Or...the Void?" A pause. "Or an emerald gem in the heart of worlds?"

This time, it was Maxim who slipped, something coming awake and molten in his eyes, a fascination as well as a protective steel.

But it was Emira who answered -- and before she did, her attention went to Kell. Something about her seemed... colder. Far colder.

"We know nothing of a gem -- however, if the blight you speak of is similar to our Black Night, then yes." She paused. "Has Kell told you of the destruction of Black London? Of the Black Night? Is it similar?"

As Emira's gaze fell upon Kell, Neria's met Maxim's for a moment, recognizing that look. She rallied beneath it, bolstering herself. Her hands curled in her lap. "Kell has told me some of what transpired. I'm aware of the danger the Black Night poses." Spreading to people like wildfire, burning through them. "It is to my understanding that many worlds have something similar, something dangerous that threatens their world in one form or another. My own world has the same and it is called a Blight. What I speak of, though, is not from my world."

Briefly, once more, she looked to Kell, and then her gaze returned to the King and Queen. "In Asora...there is a green gem that exists in the depths of the world. That gem is a piece of the heart of creation. And supposedly there are others. The Blight in Asora - something I have not witnessed personally - has set its sights upon this gem. If Asora falls to ruin, this...this thing will continue to spread across other worlds, especially if those worlds have these gems. And I believe that most, if not all, worlds do, even if we have never seen them."

Neria breathed. "I understand you are concerned for the particular people who will come through the veil to this world. You should be, I agree. But this is the greater threat...and I do not think it will stop if the veil is closed." Her gaze was steady. "The worlds will weaken as the thread of creation shrivels and collapses, as it breaks off from Asora or any world that falls in a similar manner. And the Blight will find its way here in one form or another, perhaps even as the Black Night. It has already warped itself to adapt to other version of the Blight, called the Starscourge. It may try to do so again."

She should not speak above a King or Queen, and yet, she had some small authority over this - as godling, as protector. As Warden-Commander. Unconsciously mirroring Kell's arrival to Asora, she spoke as an ambassador might before another head of court. "It does not change our course - to close any holes in the Veil and ensure a proper defense to protect your borders. But it is information you must know."

All through Neria's explanation, Emira's eyes flickered over and over toward Kell, taking in his expressions, how he held himself, his reactions to what Neria was saying.

Maxim absorbed what she was saying as if he himself were steel, grim with purpose.

And Kell -- Kell listened with dawning horror of what was to come.

He hadn't known, and it was obvious. Even to Emira. His brow had furrowed, he'd swallowed his words, and he'd gone still. Very still, eyes fixed on Neria's face, searching for any hint of-

What? That it wouldn't be true? That she was having them on? Neria would never joke about something like this.

"... Antheia," he whispered, like a soft curse under his breath. He swallowed back the faint nausea, Hakkyuu's words in the back of his mind, what he'd tried to make Kell promise, and what Kell had dodged around.

"Do I need to go back with you?"

To his question, Neria was only silent, watching Kell with wide eyes. It took every scrap of willpower she had left not to speak informally, to reach for him, to do anything that exposed how very much it hurt her to hear him ask that question. Her heart ached, twisted in her chest.

Her inclination was selfish. She wanted to tell him to come back with her, to be part of their Pantheon, to stay by her side so she wouldn't be alone or hurting any longer-- She wanted to beg for it.

Neria's fingers were digging into her wrists again, deep enough to almost draw blood.

Pulled taut as a bowstring, her answer was terribly soft. "No." In this, she could not be selfish. She had to think of him, of Rhy, of his home. Last night, she had told him that she did not blame him for leaving - that even if she loved him, she knew his love for Rhy and his duty to his home had always come first, and so she understood why he had to go. And faced with that choice after Hakkyuu's disappearance, why would he ever want to stay in Asora? How could he ever be happy?

"No, Kell," she whispered. "If... If we fail, then you are your world's best hope of survival and protection." Him and Rhy, the latter of which was unspoken, but Kell would know. He had made the right choice to come home. If he left now and returned to Asora, no doubt he would be forced to ascend in order to fight. She couldn't let that happen to him, not now after he'd finally found some measure of peace.

Neria's response made sense, but he didn't need their connection to see how much it hurt. Not even Maxim and Emira did. There was no hiding it, and Kell threw aside pretense, reached out to put a hand over hers, squeezing firmly.

He couldn't see exactly what she'd been doing, but he had a similar tendency. It was something Rhy had never said a word about, but he'd started to touch his hands, much like this, when he felt Kell doing it.

He felt relieved, but also faintly ill at being so. Perhaps he would tell her just how many factors had gone into his decision to go back to Red London, someday. ... if they ever did have time.

There were a lot of things he wanted to tell her.

Kell squeezed, edging his fingertips into hers.

"May we be excused?"

Maxim gestured an assent, but Emira's dark eyes followed them as Kell drew back his hand, tugging gently on Neria's hands.

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cw: self-harm-ish

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