[ Propriety and old habit is what brought him to his feet. It is what a decent gentleman does in the presence of a lady, rising for her. Given the strong feelings he has for this particular lady? He can find the right amount of energy to give her such treatment. But he doesn't argue when she insists that he takes a seat, as he is happy to sit beside her. ]
[ Cullen sighs. ]
I will rest plenty when this is all over. We still have much to do yet.
[ But he matches her smile, shifting his gaze to meet with hers. ]
There is much to be thankful for in how we have succeeded, yes. Thank the Maker this did not play out as disastrous as it could have.
[ It is then that his smile fades, and he reaches out to her. Cullen gives Neria a gentle touch to her arm, where that look of concern from earlier comes creeping back. ]
I know I have asked many times already... But are you alright?
[ She chuckles quietly as she finds her place beside him, rubbing briefly at her arms to try to get the tension out of them. Those last several minutes when Kaia confronted Florianne are still fresh in her mind. So close, she had been afraid of real retaliation against the Inquisitor, and she is glad things turned out as they did. ]
When all of this is over, I think I might sleep for a week.
[ If she ever could. But she thinks he'll get a good laugh out of that. ]
We were very lucky tonight. I'm glad your...our Inquisitor thinks so well on her feet. I think she ended this evening very well.
[ She looks up at him for a moment before her gaze drops to his hand, and she moves to cover it with one of her own. ]
I'm all right. I was simply startled that Morrigan was here. I didn't... She made it seem as if I'd never see her again, and to find her here as Celene's arcane advisor? This is the last place I'd ever think to look for her.
[ It certainly does bring a laugh out of him. If he had to be honest, it is very likely he will find another matter to fuss and lose sleep over. Even after all of this is done. Perhaps when the nightmares stop, but that is to be determined when the day he is completely rid of lyrium comes. ]
We were. I'm quite glad she took a stand and took responsibility for the future of the Inquisition. She holds the title well, and it is quite the success having been a prisoner first.
[ His heart swells when she corrects herself... Our Inquisitor. He hopes that means she has taken ownership of her place in the cause. ]
It appears this night has given birth to many surprises.
I... Would hate to potentially exhaust you further inquiring about why her showing here is such a shock. But I hope you know it is only me asking out of concern for you.
I'm still shocked that she's continued to serve as Inquisitor considering she was chained and shackled first. I don't know if I would stay.
[ Yes, she would. She'd been thrown in Fort Drakon before, escorted from the Circle Tower, and hunted down by most everyone in Ferelden because of Loghain and she still helped to stop the Blight. Still, Kaia has a tenacity she cannot deny. In fact, she admires her.
Her gaze drops after a moment and it looks, at first, as if she will remain silent or dismiss his concerns. But then, she lifts her head again, looking towards the ballroom. ]
You know she's a Hero of the Fifth Blight. We were close. I... There are things she knows, things the both of us know, that I cannot speak about. But she vanished so quickly after the final battle. She told me she would, told me not to follow her, and still I sought her out.
She resurfaced a few years later and I followed her trail. I didn't get much time to confront her or even to ask her questions. She left and said we would not meet again.
[ Was Morrigan avoiding her purposely or had she simply not anticipated another meeting? She does not know. ]
We were... I thought we were close back then. Everything's changed.
[ He was aware of at least some of her history, yes. And there is certainly a daunting presence about her that he cannot deny, especially in knowing that she will be joining everyone in Skyhold. Old habits die hard. But Cullen keeps such remarks to himself, as always, knowing full well the consequences of them. Especially given Neria's background as a Mage. ]
[ Knowing that there are things she cannot even share with him doesn't set his mind at ease either. But he has known there are secrets she has kept from him since day one, secrets that may come to surface later on. But again, he doesn't pry. Cullen simply listens, understanding that if there was something important to have forged between them only for her to disappear? Shock does not even begin to explain what she may have felt. ]
I see...
[ Cullen frowns. ]
The spark of chaos among Thedas has forced quite a lot of things to change. Not just throughout the world, but to those who inhabit it. If she has appeared again, it is for a reason.
You're certainly right about that. Look at me; I'm here, aren't I, and all because of what's happened. Under other circumstances, I wouldn't even be in Ferelden or Orlais, let alone anywhere near the Inquisition.
[ It makes sense in theory, of course, but she has to wonder about Morrigan's son and where he might be. She's certain she'll find out soon enough.
Neria turns back to him, almost surprised at the question. For a moment, the tension seems removed from her features. ]
No, no. That doesn't trouble me. I trust her, more than it may seem given how I speak of her. Morrigan and I were close, yes, and I hope she-- I still consider us friends even if she may not. I do not know how she feels, however.
[ That is a conversation she will have to have with her, for better or worse. Her hand tightens over Cullen's and she gives him a small smile. ]
No, I'm all right with her coming to Skyhold. Really, I'm fine, Cullen. I was simply taken off guard when I saw her. I haven't seen her in years and I truly never expected to see her again. [ She laughs quietly. ] And seeing her so well dressed, just like any other noble here, was just as much of a shock.
[ Truly, he hadn't known. It only makes sense that whatever relationship they had previously hangs in the balance. Given the distance ten years has given, it is quite possible that things are complicated for her. ]
You have been gone for some time, presumed dead. This is hardly a simple situation to be in.
[ Look how he reacted to seeing her again. For Neria's sake, he hopes that things pan out similarly between her and Morrigan as it has between them. ]
[ Cullen takes her hand between both of his, giving an affectionate squeeze when he laughs at her remark of being dressed like nobility. ]
I could say the same for a lot of people. Especially Bull.
[ If they are to be honest, he can't wait to get out of this garb. ]
You will have plenty of time to reconcile, now that she is a part of the cause. I am glad to hear this does not cause discomfort for you. This night has played out well.
[ And he smiles for her, genuine. Though his glance shifts sideways a touch, that smile going crooked if only for a brief moment. ]
[ That prompts another smile out of her, self-deprecating as it may be. ]
It is a fairly strange situation. All of it, really. I suppose I shouldn't be quite so surprised, either. Odd occurrences seem to follow me around like a bad habit.
[ Neria nudges him a little bit, her smile a bit broader now, more genuine. The uniforms they've had to wear all night have been silly and rather...drab in comparison to everyone else, but she hasn't minded it. Wearing red is strange to her, when almost all of what she wears is blue. ]
Both you and Bull look just fine in your uniforms. I won't lie, though; they're somewhat uncomfortable when all you're used to is armor.
[ What if there had truly been a fight? They would all have been in trouble then. Neria turns to him, eyebrows lifting. ]
Of course. You can always ask me anything.
[ Whether she can give an answer, however, is the real question...but she keeps that to herself. She wants to be as honest with Cullen as she can, and she hopes not to compromise the promise she made to him some nights ago. ]
Being in exile for ten years will do that, I'm afraid. But you have done quite well in surprising everyone.
[ He smirks a touch there. ]
I'll admit: I have been rather uncomfortable for that very reason. While I'm flattered by the kind words, I would much prefer being in my armor over this. Not only are we sore thumbs, but we are left vulnerable.
[ But that is no longer their concern right now, is it? At least for now. While there is plenty to discuss in terms of what Neria is going through, what complications that follow, this is an evening to be proud of. Cullen exhales heavily as he stands, and he takes a step forward before turning around to face her. ]
Forgive me if I seem bold for making such a request, but...
[ With a slight bow forward, Cullen folds one arm behind his back, and reaches the other out. He extends his hand to her, smile still in place. ]
Before we are to leave, might I ask for a dance, my lady?
[ The question is forged from a lot of things... The stress of the evening, the adrenaline rush that came from watching the Inquisitor take a stand before the court before announcing peace. He would be a liar if he had said he didn't have a few drinks after knowing for certain they were safe. But most of all, it is out of the desire he has to share at least one last good moment with Neria. Tomorrow is another day, one that will require more work as they still have much to do. The night is young, and even if he is exhausted he would do well to leave this with a good memory. ]
[ It is a request he will likely never make again, because Cullen isn't much for dancing. ]
[ Being here with him, sitting beside him, holding his hand... Neria finds herself at relative peace. This evening aside, things aren't so bad, and even with Morrigan's arrival, she finds herself simply glad for his company. The past few months, from Adamant's fall to this very moment, the world has seemed like an ocean in a storm. Cullen is a small spot of calm in all of that and she clings to that almost every day.
The Inquisition is slowly becoming a safe haven for her. She won't say it yet, but it's offered her more hope than she can ask for, and she is glad for it.
Neria lifts her head as he stands and she manages a crooked smile and even a small laugh. ]
I thought you didn't like dancing.
[ Especially when Josephine and Vivienne were insisting on everyone knowing how to dance prior to their excursion to Halamshiral. But she rises and gives him a short bow, and then she reaches for his hand. ]
[ Cullen has found himself within the eye of a storm for quite some time now, not including the chaos that has been his dealings for the Inquisition. With the sudden appearance of someone from his past to the withdrawal of lyrium that has slowly increased by the day... Neria is a beacon in a pit of darkness that threatens to swallow him whole. She is his pilar to lean on, much as it may guilt him to put such a lofty weight upon her shoulders. While there are secrets he has yet to know of her, there is a trust here. Neria is a risk that Cullen is willing to take. ]
[ He bows in kind, gentle in accepting her hand and letting the other find the small of her back. ]
I don't. But perhaps you are willing to change my mind?
[ See? He can be full of surprises, given the right opportunity. But really, the chance to be this close to her? Under the stars and away from the dreadful Game they have been forced to play? Cullen is happy to partake in an activity he otherwise wouldn't enjoy. For her, he is happy to make an exception. ]
[ Unfortunately, he is not a polished dancer, and for the sake of her feet, he starts slow. There is a careful rhythm that Cullen takes on the lead for, content in just being close and enjoying their privacy. ]
[ Her hand finds his, as it has so many times, and she steps into the circle of his arm. Her other hand finds his shoulder, squeezing gently. Her smile is bright, genuine, even as he awkwardly takes her through the steps. There is no music, no prying eyes, no one there to stop them. It is just her and Cullen, and the rest of the world has fallen away.
Neria watches him, letting him guide them, and she silently counts the steps he is hoping to make. She smiles at him. ]
See? You're doing just fine.
[ If anyone had told her ten years ago, five years ago, two years ago, even two weeks ago that she would be here, dancing with him, she would laugh. She'd never imagine it. But here they are, together, and she feels happiest and safest with him.
Quietly, only for him, Neria begins to hum in time with his movements to give him something to follow along to, a way to know his steps and when to make them. ]
[ He certainly finds no regret in having made such a request, especially when he is rewarded with her smile. Cullen could get lost in that, and he does. Quickly. As Cullen makes a novice attempt at taking the lead, he follows the motions of Neria's body held so gently under his grasp, and the squeeze to his shoulder guides him. It would be hard not to admit that he has already become a fan, if only she were to be his only dance partner. ]
[ Just as it has for Neria, for Cullen, the world falls away. Only the breeze and the sounds of her soothing hum serve as the music that guides their feet. Cullen's fingers stretch out against her back, his palm gently presses into her while the one holding her hand gives a gentle squeeze. He mirrors her smile, content if this moment never ends. Cullen would speak, were there no fear of her humming coming to an end. ]
[ With her guidance, he follows, and he catches on enough to gain some confidence in where they move. He picks up the speed, if only a touch as they turn along the stones beneath their feet, where a gust of wind would ever so slightly manipulate her long hair. Enough that such a visual catches his eye, graceful and gentle. Cullen can't help but cling to such visions, knowing what this strong woman before him is capable of. ]
[ The contrast is not lost on him. A Mage, a woman who was once his charge... Now his comrade, partner, and certainly one he could easily consider his best friend. There is a level of devotion and care between them that he can't help but cherish, and he could stay like this forever. ]
[ This moment is perfect. She cannot think of a time where she was so intimately happy, so content. The only other memory that comes to mind is an errant one, a night in the camp with Leliana singing, all of them sitting close and enjoying the fire, a serene moment in the midst of chaos. But here she is...alone with one other person, someone who makes her feel vulnerable and protected at the same time.
Her humming remains strong, even if she easily gets lost in the way he smiles at her, the intimacy they are sharing even without deliberately meaning to. Neria keeps close to him, nearly hugging his body as he turns them, their steps light on the stones around the fountain. She wants to tell him how much this means to her, how much he means to her, and she hopes it's obvious in the way she looks at him, how much she trusts him, how she would not do this with anyone else.
She takes the hand that holds hers and twines their fingers together even as they move, and it is proving slightly difficult to keep on tempo with how distracted she is. She half-laughs in the middle of it all at her own ridiculousness, certain she's going a little red, even as she tries to pick up the beat once more as she hums the same tune. ]
[ Such moments like these are too rare in the midst of war and chaos. Cullen feels a warmth and comfort right here that he hasn't rightly felt in a long, long time. While Cullen doesn't quite feel a thoughtful nostalgia to his past, there are still moments he is quite fond of. The warmth in her gaze reminds him of Honnleath, of the first Chantry he had ever laid eyes upon. A flicker in her eyes is reminiscent of the candles that light an altar, candles he has sat before for hours in lieu of his studies. There is a happiness there, a sense of accomplishment and pride. Neria may have seen the worst of him in far darker times, but she is here to witness his triumph. And it is because of her that he can truly flourish. ]
[ Cullen allows their fingers to tangle, and it is in that shift that he unconsciously lets the arm while holds her back turn into an embrace. They dance even closer, where he can feel her breath brush along his chin as she laughs. She continues humming that delightful, improvised tune with a flush along her cheeks that he will forever commit to memory. Cullen chuckles along with her, but it is only with her and not at her. A thoughtful, gentle smile should be telling that he knows what she means to say in her gaze. He, too feels something strong for Neria. He cares for her greatly, and he would give her all the stars in the sky to show it if he could. ]
[ While he is careful in gesture, words do no justice for either of them in this moment. Cullen returns the gaze she provides him with the gentle, innocent act of pressing his forehead against hers. His eyes close, content on moving to the rhythm Neria maintains in her hum, if only to better soak in the value of this moment. ]
[ There is no war. No party. No Inquisition. Only them, and only this dance. ]
[ Her hum begins to quiet as he slows, his forehead pressing gently to hers. This moment is for the two of them alone, and she has never been more grateful for a single moment of privacy with him than right now. She is infinitely glad that the court's eyes are on the Inquisitor and mired in celebrations, rather than looking for either of them.
Neria lingers close still, the song on her lips beginning to die as she runs out of anything to give him. She's hardly conscious of how the dance slows, her attention entirely on the way he looks at her, the warmth of his embrace, and the smile on his lips. She closes her eyes for a brief time, still humming quietly, and simply soaks in this moment.
When she opens them again, she tugs on his hand, and her gaze meets his. The song, at last, dwindles to nothing, as reluctant as she is to end it for the moment. There's something she wishes to do and now is the time to do it. ]
Cullen.
[ And it is here that she rises up on her toes to press her lips to his in a tender kiss. ]
[ Cullen could listen to her hum a gentle tune forever, and there is a comfort in it that makes forgetting the rest of the world all the easier. His mind is at ease, his body feeling warm as it's engulfed with nothing but her. He should be angry with himself for getting this close, for allowing himself to become so attached to her but how can he truly blame himself? After going so long wondering what might of been, here she is. Alive, healthy, and seemingly happier as each day passes. Cullen hopes that Neria has found enough purpose within the Inquisition to realize her true potential. He wants to be her support and her rock, her stability, as she has become to him. ]
[ Cullen is thankful for the way such simple gestures calm him, and he realizes he hasn't rightly felt this great in so long. Their movements slow, just as the song she hums begins to fade and die out. There is disappointment in that, but it is only brief. Cullen finds comfort just simply standing there with her, memorizing the warmth he feels from just holding her hand and pressing close. His heart swells for her, hurts because the happiness he feels is foreign. It pounds against his chest when they both come to a halt and she so delicately says his name. ]
[ His eyes open, half-lidded when she tugs on him and he takes their gathered hands to his chest. There is a smile there, words that can be said, a reassurance that he isn't running away this time like he had so many years before. But they are swallowed whole when he feels her lips gently press to his own, and his eyes widen a touch at the unexpected gesture. ]
[ Cullen is frozen a moment, bewildered even if he likely shouldn't be. The tender moments they have shared leading up to this would suggest as much, but such a fact would seem too good to be true if brought up to him. But it is easy to accept this, to succumb to it and return her kiss in kind. Cullen's eyes fall shut once more, the arm around her back gently ushering her closer, a kind squeeze. The kiss he returns bears a gentle passion, where his head tilts and his lips are warm and fit so perfectly against hers. ]
[ He's wanted this. He has wanted this for so long, and there is a spike of energy within him to finally have it. To feel this whole, this delighted... Cullen will hang onto this moment for the rest of his days. ]
[ Neria does not push the kiss, does not deepen it, even as Cullen responds in kind. He pulls her closer until they are nearly flush with one another, hands still held tightly in each other's grip. She has not thought farther than this moment and hardly comprehends that she has initiated such an intimate gesture, though she does not regret it. No; she realizes she has wanted to kiss Cullen for a very long time and has been far too afraid to, far to uncertain of her own feelings. She wonders if this is wrong; even if their roles are equal, even if there is no propriety to maintain, she wonders if she seeks out this comfort, this need to be close to him, so that the guilt can stop strangling her for just a few moments.
But the way he holds her is so gentle, the press of his lips warm and inviting. He holds her as if she is a person, not an object, not a monster, and has given her the greatest peace she has had in nearly all of her life. Her heart feels as if it could burst - must burst, how can it still be beating when it feels so full? - with all she feels, and still she does not ask for more, does not push for more. If she does, her heart might crack wide open for all the world to see.
Instead, she relents, her face parting from his by mere inches. She is still close enough to feel his warm breath on his face, for their foreheads to still nearly touch, and she does not open her eyes. She does not breathe, terrified this moment will fall away and she will lose it forever. She does not open her eyes as she leans forward to kiss him again, another tender kiss that she wishes to steal before their reality comes back to them. She wants to remember this moment forever, to never forget the smell of the crushed grass in the night, or the way his hand feels on her back, or the feel of his lips.
This she wishes to remember no matter what tomorrow brings. ]
[ He revels in the feeling of time standing still, of finally being able to forget about the world around them for once. Yet such a thing is almost terrifying, that the influence of Neria's presence is strong enough to erase their surroundings in an instant. There is so much power in just her touch alone, and he finds no qualms in allowing such power to claim him. The kiss steals his breath from his lungs, made obvious when she unfortunately breaks it for a short time and he's force to catch a sharp breath. ]
[ There is guilt in greed when she kisses him again, guilt in questioning whether or not this is truly okay. Such incredible feelings might be sinful or dangerous, and Cullen knows he has completely opened himself to her when that may not have been wise. But he can't help it, not when just being near her makes him feel whole again. Not when he feels a weight lifted from his shoulders he never knew existed. ]
[ The kiss is gentle, innocent, even if it lingers. But that hardly changes the intensity of the moment, made obvious in the flushed color on his face and how he exhales a shaken breath against her lips. Cullen squeezes her hand when he realizes his own is trembling, and his heart is pounding with a threat to burst from his chest. Cullen is the last to break the kiss once more, even if he doesn't want to. There is a smile there, close enough where their lips still touch and his eyes threaten to never open again so he may stay in this moment. ]
That was...
[ He softly chuckles. ]
Unexpected.
[ But was it really? If he had to truly think back on how close they have gotten, does this really comes as a surprise? ]
[ Neria exhales as they finally part, eyes opening and immediately looking downward. She doesn't know what to say and she is grateful that Cullen speaks first, that he is still smiling when all is said and done. She smiles with him, the gesture crooked in its uncertainty, and she manages a tiny laugh. Neria still sounds breathless, her heart pounding in her chest. ]
I'm sorry.
[ No, she's not. She truly isn't. But she will be sorry enough if he is uncomfortable. The way he smiles suggests it was not the worst decision she could have made. Neria breathes out and murmurs, quieter, as if anyone else could hear them: ]
I wanted to do that. I've...been wanting to do that for some time.
[ And now, in such an intimate moment, it seemed like the best idea. If she will never kiss him again, this moment has been enough, perfect beyond words. ]
[ He might have thought she would regret such a gesture so quickly, though he wouldn't be sure as to why. Once upon a time, she had made a pass at him before. Nothing physical, merely in spoken word, and he had been a coward in response. But he would be a liar if he had said he hadn't thought about accepting. She is a beautiful woman, kind and intelligent... But he had barely known her. Now? He can't help but be glad he had waited. ]
[ Cullen is afraid to let go of her, for fear that the world may crumble beneath him or this may never happen again. He is content to let their foreheads press together, for their smiles to touch and for him to forever remember this moment. There is surprise in knowing she feels the same and that she has always thought of sharing such a moment with him. ]
Maker, so have I...
[ He could ask what stopped her, but he is certain he knows. It's likely they both hesitated for the same reasons. ]
If... If you've no regrets, neither do I. I care for you, Neria. More than words can say.
[ She looks up at him, something hopeful and even surprised in her gaze. With how they've treated one another, there's really no need for shock; that they've held each other in high regard has been no secret to anyone. But there have always been complications, least of all who they once were, and Neria would be foolish to pretend otherwise. Likewise, she cannot deny how she cares for him, how important Cullen is in her life, and how grateful she is that she has found him again.
Squeezing his hand, she closes her eyes and smiles, lingering a moment in silence before she responds. ]
You know I care for you as well. I have no regrets. Not here, not now.
[ She has had very little of those since coming to Skyhold, truth be told. Neria lifts his hand to her lips to press a kiss to his knuckles, smiling once more. ]
Thank you...for everything. For this, for tonight-- For all of it. I do not know where I would be without you beside me.
[ A kiss that may have felt like an eternity at the time is ended, surprisingly at what feels like a premature end. But Cullen finds a comfort in her gaze that he has always managed to rely on. It's true that there is no shock in it having come to this, and honestly Cullen wouldn't have it any other way. He revels in the kiss to his hand, to which he feels it right to return the gesture to her forehead. His lips gently brush across her brow, taking in the way her hair smells, lingering a touch before finally backing away. ]
[ But it is in that distance that he refuses to let go of her hand. He smiles at her, genuine and soft. ]
I should thank you. You were cautious to remain for the cause... Yet you gave yourself a chance. You gave me a chance.
[ He reaches for her, pushing back her bangs from her eyes. ]
Neria, I would forever be honored to stay beside you if you will allow me. It doesn't have to end at the Inquisition's success.
[ Her reasons to go to the Inquisition were selfish. She knows that, in her heart of hearts, she had gone only to ease the darkness over her conscience. Even though she has remained to help the Inquisition bring the world back from the brink, she also stays to make attempts at redeeming her brethren and herself. They have always been first and foremost on her mind. But now...
Now, things have changed. Their discussion in Crestwood had merely broken the ice; now, she has to wonder about a future she can shape for herself with Cullen at her side, with someone she cares for. Someone who now has begun to take precedence in some ways over her duty. That is what is truly frightening.
She will continue to serve the Inquisition until it has put away the sword. She will forever be a Warden, come what may. But now Cullen's safety and presence in her life is just as important as those things, and she fears for the implications.
Maker, forgive her...but right this moment, she does not care. All that matters is that he is there with her.
Neria gives him a warm smile. ]
I've done nothing worth being thanked. You've proven time and again that you deserved a chance. I would have been foolish not to give you the opportunity.
[ And she had promised him when she first arrived. It had seemed so important to him. How could she refuse? Pausing, she continues to smile, though it is a tense thing; she does not know the extent of his request, though her heart has already decided an answer for her. ]
So long as you are not weighing yourself down with my burdens...I wouldn't be able to refuse you. I can't imagine my life without you in it somehow.
[ Cullen stands in silence, hanging on to every word that seems to drip like sweet honey off of Neria's lips. It is true that he's allowed feelings of infatuation from years ago linger, remain with enough substance to forge once again in their reunion. Over these short months he has grown fond of her, more so than before, where he finds confidence in her that he can't rightly find anywhere else. It shows in the way he holds her, the way his hand brushes along her face as it drops from pushing her bangs from her eyes. There's a smile that is fearful to leave, even when she claims so sweetly that she can't refuse him. The feeling is mutual. ]
Sharing your burdens is more a privilege than you let on. Whatever weight your shoulders carry, I am happy to take upon myself to ease your discomfort.
[ Whether that be as friends or lovers, he is content either way. So long as Neria is by his side, he will take whatever challenges face them. ]
[ Cullen hesitates, gaze shifting to their feet a moment. Any minute now, it will be time for them and the rest of the Inquisition to take departure back to Skyhold. It will be a long journey, and one where neither he or Neria will find much privacy until their arrival. What must be said should be said now, and the rest will have to wait. ]
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no subject
[ Cullen sighs. ]
I will rest plenty when this is all over. We still have much to do yet.
[ But he matches her smile, shifting his gaze to meet with hers. ]
There is much to be thankful for in how we have succeeded, yes. Thank the Maker this did not play out as disastrous as it could have.
[ It is then that his smile fades, and he reaches out to her. Cullen gives Neria a gentle touch to her arm, where that look of concern from earlier comes creeping back. ]
I know I have asked many times already... But are you alright?
no subject
When all of this is over, I think I might sleep for a week.
[ If she ever could. But she thinks he'll get a good laugh out of that. ]
We were very lucky tonight. I'm glad your...our Inquisitor thinks so well on her feet. I think she ended this evening very well.
[ She looks up at him for a moment before her gaze drops to his hand, and she moves to cover it with one of her own. ]
I'm all right. I was simply startled that Morrigan was here. I didn't... She made it seem as if I'd never see her again, and to find her here as Celene's arcane advisor? This is the last place I'd ever think to look for her.
[ And she supposes that was the point. ]
no subject
We were. I'm quite glad she took a stand and took responsibility for the future of the Inquisition. She holds the title well, and it is quite the success having been a prisoner first.
[ His heart swells when she corrects herself... Our Inquisitor. He hopes that means she has taken ownership of her place in the cause. ]
It appears this night has given birth to many surprises.
I... Would hate to potentially exhaust you further inquiring about why her showing here is such a shock. But I hope you know it is only me asking out of concern for you.
no subject
[ Yes, she would. She'd been thrown in Fort Drakon before, escorted from the Circle Tower, and hunted down by most everyone in Ferelden because of Loghain and she still helped to stop the Blight. Still, Kaia has a tenacity she cannot deny. In fact, she admires her.
Her gaze drops after a moment and it looks, at first, as if she will remain silent or dismiss his concerns. But then, she lifts her head again, looking towards the ballroom. ]
You know she's a Hero of the Fifth Blight. We were close. I... There are things she knows, things the both of us know, that I cannot speak about. But she vanished so quickly after the final battle. She told me she would, told me not to follow her, and still I sought her out.
She resurfaced a few years later and I followed her trail. I didn't get much time to confront her or even to ask her questions. She left and said we would not meet again.
[ Was Morrigan avoiding her purposely or had she simply not anticipated another meeting? She does not know. ]
We were... I thought we were close back then. Everything's changed.
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[ Knowing that there are things she cannot even share with him doesn't set his mind at ease either. But he has known there are secrets she has kept from him since day one, secrets that may come to surface later on. But again, he doesn't pry. Cullen simply listens, understanding that if there was something important to have forged between them only for her to disappear? Shock does not even begin to explain what she may have felt. ]
I see...
[ Cullen frowns. ]
The spark of chaos among Thedas has forced quite a lot of things to change. Not just throughout the world, but to those who inhabit it. If she has appeared again, it is for a reason.
Does it trouble you that she will be joining us?
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[ It makes sense in theory, of course, but she has to wonder about Morrigan's son and where he might be. She's certain she'll find out soon enough.
Neria turns back to him, almost surprised at the question. For a moment, the tension seems removed from her features. ]
No, no. That doesn't trouble me. I trust her, more than it may seem given how I speak of her. Morrigan and I were close, yes, and I hope she-- I still consider us friends even if she may not. I do not know how she feels, however.
[ That is a conversation she will have to have with her, for better or worse. Her hand tightens over Cullen's and she gives him a small smile. ]
No, I'm all right with her coming to Skyhold. Really, I'm fine, Cullen. I was simply taken off guard when I saw her. I haven't seen her in years and I truly never expected to see her again. [ She laughs quietly. ] And seeing her so well dressed, just like any other noble here, was just as much of a shock.
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You have been gone for some time, presumed dead. This is hardly a simple situation to be in.
[ Look how he reacted to seeing her again. For Neria's sake, he hopes that things pan out similarly between her and Morrigan as it has between them. ]
[ Cullen takes her hand between both of his, giving an affectionate squeeze when he laughs at her remark of being dressed like nobility. ]
I could say the same for a lot of people. Especially Bull.
[ If they are to be honest, he can't wait to get out of this garb. ]
You will have plenty of time to reconcile, now that she is a part of the cause. I am glad to hear this does not cause discomfort for you. This night has played out well.
[ And he smiles for her, genuine. Though his glance shifts sideways a touch, that smile going crooked if only for a brief moment. ]
Might I ask you something?
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It is a fairly strange situation. All of it, really. I suppose I shouldn't be quite so surprised, either. Odd occurrences seem to follow me around like a bad habit.
[ Neria nudges him a little bit, her smile a bit broader now, more genuine. The uniforms they've had to wear all night have been silly and rather...drab in comparison to everyone else, but she hasn't minded it. Wearing red is strange to her, when almost all of what she wears is blue. ]
Both you and Bull look just fine in your uniforms. I won't lie, though; they're somewhat uncomfortable when all you're used to is armor.
[ What if there had truly been a fight? They would all have been in trouble then. Neria turns to him, eyebrows lifting. ]
Of course. You can always ask me anything.
[ Whether she can give an answer, however, is the real question...but she keeps that to herself. She wants to be as honest with Cullen as she can, and she hopes not to compromise the promise she made to him some nights ago. ]
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[ He smirks a touch there. ]
I'll admit: I have been rather uncomfortable for that very reason. While I'm flattered by the kind words, I would much prefer being in my armor over this. Not only are we sore thumbs, but we are left vulnerable.
[ But that is no longer their concern right now, is it? At least for now. While there is plenty to discuss in terms of what Neria is going through, what complications that follow, this is an evening to be proud of. Cullen exhales heavily as he stands, and he takes a step forward before turning around to face her. ]
Forgive me if I seem bold for making such a request, but...
[ With a slight bow forward, Cullen folds one arm behind his back, and reaches the other out. He extends his hand to her, smile still in place. ]
Before we are to leave, might I ask for a dance, my lady?
[ The question is forged from a lot of things... The stress of the evening, the adrenaline rush that came from watching the Inquisitor take a stand before the court before announcing peace. He would be a liar if he had said he didn't have a few drinks after knowing for certain they were safe. But most of all, it is out of the desire he has to share at least one last good moment with Neria. Tomorrow is another day, one that will require more work as they still have much to do. The night is young, and even if he is exhausted he would do well to leave this with a good memory. ]
[ It is a request he will likely never make again, because Cullen isn't much for dancing. ]
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The Inquisition is slowly becoming a safe haven for her. She won't say it yet, but it's offered her more hope than she can ask for, and she is glad for it.
Neria lifts her head as he stands and she manages a crooked smile and even a small laugh. ]
I thought you didn't like dancing.
[ Especially when Josephine and Vivienne were insisting on everyone knowing how to dance prior to their excursion to Halamshiral. But she rises and gives him a short bow, and then she reaches for his hand. ]
I'd love to dance with you.
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[ He bows in kind, gentle in accepting her hand and letting the other find the small of her back. ]
I don't. But perhaps you are willing to change my mind?
[ See? He can be full of surprises, given the right opportunity. But really, the chance to be this close to her? Under the stars and away from the dreadful Game they have been forced to play? Cullen is happy to partake in an activity he otherwise wouldn't enjoy. For her, he is happy to make an exception. ]
[ Unfortunately, he is not a polished dancer, and for the sake of her feet, he starts slow. There is a careful rhythm that Cullen takes on the lead for, content in just being close and enjoying their privacy. ]
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[ Her hand finds his, as it has so many times, and she steps into the circle of his arm. Her other hand finds his shoulder, squeezing gently. Her smile is bright, genuine, even as he awkwardly takes her through the steps. There is no music, no prying eyes, no one there to stop them. It is just her and Cullen, and the rest of the world has fallen away.
Neria watches him, letting him guide them, and she silently counts the steps he is hoping to make. She smiles at him. ]
See? You're doing just fine.
[ If anyone had told her ten years ago, five years ago, two years ago, even two weeks ago that she would be here, dancing with him, she would laugh. She'd never imagine it. But here they are, together, and she feels happiest and safest with him.
Quietly, only for him, Neria begins to hum in time with his movements to give him something to follow along to, a way to know his steps and when to make them. ]
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[ Just as it has for Neria, for Cullen, the world falls away. Only the breeze and the sounds of her soothing hum serve as the music that guides their feet. Cullen's fingers stretch out against her back, his palm gently presses into her while the one holding her hand gives a gentle squeeze. He mirrors her smile, content if this moment never ends. Cullen would speak, were there no fear of her humming coming to an end. ]
[ With her guidance, he follows, and he catches on enough to gain some confidence in where they move. He picks up the speed, if only a touch as they turn along the stones beneath their feet, where a gust of wind would ever so slightly manipulate her long hair. Enough that such a visual catches his eye, graceful and gentle. Cullen can't help but cling to such visions, knowing what this strong woman before him is capable of. ]
[ The contrast is not lost on him. A Mage, a woman who was once his charge... Now his comrade, partner, and certainly one he could easily consider his best friend. There is a level of devotion and care between them that he can't help but cherish, and he could stay like this forever. ]
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Her humming remains strong, even if she easily gets lost in the way he smiles at her, the intimacy they are sharing even without deliberately meaning to. Neria keeps close to him, nearly hugging his body as he turns them, their steps light on the stones around the fountain. She wants to tell him how much this means to her, how much he means to her, and she hopes it's obvious in the way she looks at him, how much she trusts him, how she would not do this with anyone else.
She takes the hand that holds hers and twines their fingers together even as they move, and it is proving slightly difficult to keep on tempo with how distracted she is. She half-laughs in the middle of it all at her own ridiculousness, certain she's going a little red, even as she tries to pick up the beat once more as she hums the same tune. ]
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[ Cullen allows their fingers to tangle, and it is in that shift that he unconsciously lets the arm while holds her back turn into an embrace. They dance even closer, where he can feel her breath brush along his chin as she laughs. She continues humming that delightful, improvised tune with a flush along her cheeks that he will forever commit to memory. Cullen chuckles along with her, but it is only with her and not at her. A thoughtful, gentle smile should be telling that he knows what she means to say in her gaze. He, too feels something strong for Neria. He cares for her greatly, and he would give her all the stars in the sky to show it if he could. ]
[ While he is careful in gesture, words do no justice for either of them in this moment. Cullen returns the gaze she provides him with the gentle, innocent act of pressing his forehead against hers. His eyes close, content on moving to the rhythm Neria maintains in her hum, if only to better soak in the value of this moment. ]
[ There is no war. No party. No Inquisition. Only them, and only this dance. ]
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Neria lingers close still, the song on her lips beginning to die as she runs out of anything to give him. She's hardly conscious of how the dance slows, her attention entirely on the way he looks at her, the warmth of his embrace, and the smile on his lips. She closes her eyes for a brief time, still humming quietly, and simply soaks in this moment.
When she opens them again, she tugs on his hand, and her gaze meets his. The song, at last, dwindles to nothing, as reluctant as she is to end it for the moment. There's something she wishes to do and now is the time to do it. ]
Cullen.
[ And it is here that she rises up on her toes to press her lips to his in a tender kiss. ]
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[ Cullen is thankful for the way such simple gestures calm him, and he realizes he hasn't rightly felt this great in so long. Their movements slow, just as the song she hums begins to fade and die out. There is disappointment in that, but it is only brief. Cullen finds comfort just simply standing there with her, memorizing the warmth he feels from just holding her hand and pressing close. His heart swells for her, hurts because the happiness he feels is foreign. It pounds against his chest when they both come to a halt and she so delicately says his name. ]
[ His eyes open, half-lidded when she tugs on him and he takes their gathered hands to his chest. There is a smile there, words that can be said, a reassurance that he isn't running away this time like he had so many years before. But they are swallowed whole when he feels her lips gently press to his own, and his eyes widen a touch at the unexpected gesture. ]
[ Cullen is frozen a moment, bewildered even if he likely shouldn't be. The tender moments they have shared leading up to this would suggest as much, but such a fact would seem too good to be true if brought up to him. But it is easy to accept this, to succumb to it and return her kiss in kind. Cullen's eyes fall shut once more, the arm around her back gently ushering her closer, a kind squeeze. The kiss he returns bears a gentle passion, where his head tilts and his lips are warm and fit so perfectly against hers. ]
[ He's wanted this. He has wanted this for so long, and there is a spike of energy within him to finally have it. To feel this whole, this delighted... Cullen will hang onto this moment for the rest of his days. ]
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But the way he holds her is so gentle, the press of his lips warm and inviting. He holds her as if she is a person, not an object, not a monster, and has given her the greatest peace she has had in nearly all of her life. Her heart feels as if it could burst - must burst, how can it still be beating when it feels so full? - with all she feels, and still she does not ask for more, does not push for more. If she does, her heart might crack wide open for all the world to see.
Instead, she relents, her face parting from his by mere inches. She is still close enough to feel his warm breath on his face, for their foreheads to still nearly touch, and she does not open her eyes. She does not breathe, terrified this moment will fall away and she will lose it forever. She does not open her eyes as she leans forward to kiss him again, another tender kiss that she wishes to steal before their reality comes back to them. She wants to remember this moment forever, to never forget the smell of the crushed grass in the night, or the way his hand feels on her back, or the feel of his lips.
This she wishes to remember no matter what tomorrow brings. ]
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[ There is guilt in greed when she kisses him again, guilt in questioning whether or not this is truly okay. Such incredible feelings might be sinful or dangerous, and Cullen knows he has completely opened himself to her when that may not have been wise. But he can't help it, not when just being near her makes him feel whole again. Not when he feels a weight lifted from his shoulders he never knew existed. ]
[ The kiss is gentle, innocent, even if it lingers. But that hardly changes the intensity of the moment, made obvious in the flushed color on his face and how he exhales a shaken breath against her lips. Cullen squeezes her hand when he realizes his own is trembling, and his heart is pounding with a threat to burst from his chest. Cullen is the last to break the kiss once more, even if he doesn't want to. There is a smile there, close enough where their lips still touch and his eyes threaten to never open again so he may stay in this moment. ]
That was...
[ He softly chuckles. ]
Unexpected.
[ But was it really? If he had to truly think back on how close they have gotten, does this really comes as a surprise? ]
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I'm sorry.
[ No, she's not. She truly isn't. But she will be sorry enough if he is uncomfortable. The way he smiles suggests it was not the worst decision she could have made. Neria breathes out and murmurs, quieter, as if anyone else could hear them: ]
I wanted to do that. I've...been wanting to do that for some time.
[ And now, in such an intimate moment, it seemed like the best idea. If she will never kiss him again, this moment has been enough, perfect beyond words. ]
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[ Cullen is afraid to let go of her, for fear that the world may crumble beneath him or this may never happen again. He is content to let their foreheads press together, for their smiles to touch and for him to forever remember this moment. There is surprise in knowing she feels the same and that she has always thought of sharing such a moment with him. ]
Maker, so have I...
[ He could ask what stopped her, but he is certain he knows. It's likely they both hesitated for the same reasons. ]
If... If you've no regrets, neither do I. I care for you, Neria. More than words can say.
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Squeezing his hand, she closes her eyes and smiles, lingering a moment in silence before she responds. ]
You know I care for you as well. I have no regrets. Not here, not now.
[ She has had very little of those since coming to Skyhold, truth be told. Neria lifts his hand to her lips to press a kiss to his knuckles, smiling once more. ]
Thank you...for everything. For this, for tonight-- For all of it. I do not know where I would be without you beside me.
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[ But it is in that distance that he refuses to let go of her hand. He smiles at her, genuine and soft. ]
I should thank you. You were cautious to remain for the cause... Yet you gave yourself a chance. You gave me a chance.
[ He reaches for her, pushing back her bangs from her eyes. ]
Neria, I would forever be honored to stay beside you if you will allow me. It doesn't have to end at the Inquisition's success.
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Now, things have changed. Their discussion in Crestwood had merely broken the ice; now, she has to wonder about a future she can shape for herself with Cullen at her side, with someone she cares for. Someone who now has begun to take precedence in some ways over her duty. That is what is truly frightening.
She will continue to serve the Inquisition until it has put away the sword. She will forever be a Warden, come what may. But now Cullen's safety and presence in her life is just as important as those things, and she fears for the implications.
Maker, forgive her...but right this moment, she does not care. All that matters is that he is there with her.
Neria gives him a warm smile. ]
I've done nothing worth being thanked. You've proven time and again that you deserved a chance. I would have been foolish not to give you the opportunity.
[ And she had promised him when she first arrived. It had seemed so important to him. How could she refuse? Pausing, she continues to smile, though it is a tense thing; she does not know the extent of his request, though her heart has already decided an answer for her. ]
So long as you are not weighing yourself down with my burdens...I wouldn't be able to refuse you. I can't imagine my life without you in it somehow.
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Sharing your burdens is more a privilege than you let on. Whatever weight your shoulders carry, I am happy to take upon myself to ease your discomfort.
[ Whether that be as friends or lovers, he is content either way. So long as Neria is by his side, he will take whatever challenges face them. ]
[ Cullen hesitates, gaze shifting to their feet a moment. Any minute now, it will be time for them and the rest of the Inquisition to take departure back to Skyhold. It will be a long journey, and one where neither he or Neria will find much privacy until their arrival. What must be said should be said now, and the rest will have to wait. ]
Is this... Are you sure this is what you want?
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WRONG JOURNAL, WOOPS
LMAO I WAS SO CONFUSED
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