[ Nothing she explains is unfamiliar, certainly something he has experienced himself since leaving The Order. While there aren't voices telling him to fight until the death among the Deep Roads, there are voices that chastise him for breaking his vows. Reminders of the torture he had been subjected to years ago, threats, guilt... What Neria is experiencing is almost a mirror's image to what he has already gone through, and it is there that he finds a common ground with Neria he might never find with anyone else. She is truly a valuable companion, and he is happy to have her by his side. ]
Know that I and the Inquisition appreciate and value your sacrifice. Wardens are valuable, just as the entirety of our troops are. I know that you will do right by them, and they are fortunate to have you as their leader.
[ But the subject takes a turn to him, surely a change in direction that he would rather avoid. Cullen hates talking about himself, about his mistakes that have led him to his final decision. Neria and him have been practically attached by the hip since her joining the Inquisition, and the question would have certainly come up eventually. He owes Neria honesty, just as much as she has given him. ]
[ She looks concerned, scared, and Cullen squeezes her hand in reassurance, while the other holds up in protest. ]
I'm fine.
[ He wants to make that very clear, even if there may be a bit of a lie in there. While the symptoms haven't piqued quite yet, they are there. Before, he could get away with a few hours of sleep, but that becomes more a challenge as each night passes. ]
[ He lowers his hand, letting it join the other where he holds Neria's in both of them. ]
We are in this together, but I was waiting for a more appropriate time to tell you.
Yes, I stopped taking lyrium. Before you arrived, actually. After what I had witnessed in my service as a Templar, I decided to distance myself from that life. My vows have been broken, and I will accept whatever consequences follow.
[ And he smiles, forced as it may be. ]
I have support. I have asked Cassandra to keep an eye on me, to determine whether or not I am to leave my post. But I've doubts it will come to that, I won't let my decision interfere with the task at hand.
[ He hasn't been taking lyrium for some time, then. Since Kirkwall? She doesn't know, but her eyes are wide as she sits with him. She's never known a Templar simply to stop taking lyrium, not even when she has met Templar recruits turned Wardens. It is a lifelong addiction with disastrous consequences, and to look on him, she would not even begin to suspect--
But she had wondered. He has looked healthier, seems to be doing better in some respects than other Templars she has met. It doesn't mean he is well by any means, nor that he is free of pain, but it means the chain is broken.
She takes his other hand in hers and holds it tightly. ]
No one from the Chantry or the Templars should criticize the decision you have made. The Order is a mess and you said it yourself, you couldn't follow what they were asking you to do. But you could be in far more danger without it if--
[ No. He's handled himself so far, hasn't he? She has to trust him. Her exhaled sigh is tight, controlled, and she squeezes his hands again. ]
You are very, very brave to have done this. If there's anything I can do, please tell me. I can brew you up some potions or... I've been a healer for ten years now. Whatever I can, I want to do for you.
[ He has given her so much and the sudden thought that she could lose him to madness, to hallucinations, or even to death suddenly wracks her core. She can't imagine what it would be like now for him to be gone. ]
I've heard... Remarks. That I have abandoned The Order, as if I should be ashamed of myself for doing so. And perhaps I might be, even just a little.
[ The smile turns into a frown, where his gaze looks down to their hands. He quite likes the sight of them, and has always found comfort in it each time they've been like this. To physically be reminded that Neria is alive and well helps keep him on the right side of reality. Maker knows he has doubted even his own existence during the worst of his withdrawal episodes. Perhaps that is why he's been more physical with her than he ever thought he might be. But Neria seems to find just as much comfort in it, and for that he is grateful. ]
When I was a boy, all I wanted was to help people. To become a Templar and bring pride to my family's name. It was so different back then...
My heart still breaks to know that The Order in which I found so much pride in has been tainted with corruption. Were I able to change things, I would do everything in my power. But such things are not possible, not now.
[ Cullen's gaze meets with her's once more, locked and bearing as much of a calm demeanor as he can. He is touched by her offer, but he isn't certain he is quite prepared to accept the use of magic to ease his pain. There is immediate guilt in such a thought-- Surely, he trusts her. But what if... ]
Your presence by my side is more than enough, my lady. While I found pride in maintaining the troops on my own, I am glad we've accepted your help. And I am proud to work beside you, as equals.
I promise, you need not worry about me. I'm not going anywhere.
You didn't abandon the Order. The Order abandoned its people when it ceased caring about its charges and its soldiers. You have done nothing reprehensible.
[ If he had stayed, he could have been like them, like the other soldiers turned into monstrous creatures. That thought alone leaves her cold and she twines their fingers together even as she shakes her head. She can't imagine it. She can't. It's despicable enough that they have to fight some of his former comrades, even if he never met them personally. She can't allow herself to imagine what it might have been like in another time, another world, if he hadn't left. ]
Perhaps, when this is over...
[ But when the war is over, she will leave. That is to be expected. She pushes that aside. ]
I'm glad you're here with us. With me. I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without you.
[ Not without his comfort or his strength. He has had faith in her when she had none of it for herself. ]
The offer is open, if you ever need anything. As I said, I know a few potions and tonics that can help with the symptoms, if nothing else.
[ Maker knows she's needed to use them for her own troubled sleeping and difficult days. She sighs, looking briefly down at their hands to assure herself that what he says is true. He isn't going anywhere. He will be fine. ]
[ Perhaps when this is over... Cullen hangs on to the end of that sentence, but it never comes. It is true that how things might end after all of this have plagued his mind, especially since her arrival. Ten years believing that she had been dead, only for her to turn up seemingly out of nowhere. ]
[ She doesn't finish the sentence, and he knows what that means. Cullen's smile fades, eyes colored with what can only be assumed as hurt or concern. ]
When this is over...
Where will you go?
[ Because he selfishly hopes that she plans to stay, even if he is certain that is not her plan. He knows her well enough, knows her guilt will take her elsewhere. Such a thought breaks his heart, and he can't help but wish to convince her otherwise. ]
[ When this is over... In truth, Neria does not know what she will do. She knows what is expected of her and what she would like to do, entire opposites of one another. Her gaze remains on their hands for some time as she sits in silence, the length of which is entirely damning. It should be obvious what she had at least initially intended to do.
At last, she sighs. ]
Go to Denerim, first. I have been...trading correspondence with Alistair and I imagine it's time we both sit down and have a long talk about what's happened.
[ She's avoiding what Cullen is really asking, which is Will you leave? Slowly, she lifts her gaze to meet his. ]
I haven't decided what I'll do or where I'll go. I could go back, continue what I was working on, but...
[ But... ]
I should continue to look after the Wardens here, what's left of them. They will need a home and someone to guide them. Weisshaupt has, effectively, abandoned them to their fates. It would be wrong of me to do the same.
Beyond that-- I don't know.
[ Would it be wrong of her to stay? Is it selfish to hope the Inquisition will allow her to do that, even with what she's done? In her mind, yes, it would be. She can't continue to take advantage of their kindness. ]
[ He can't help the way he looks when he gets such an answer. It bears uncertainty, an attempt to avoid anything but outright saying whether or not she will stay. It begs the question of whether or not she will, and Cullen's hands tighten around hers, and he pulls them into his lap. ]
Oh, I... Suppose that makes sense.
[ Cullen looks down, disappointed. ]
You... Do know that you have a place in Skyhold. While I am not sure as to where I will particularly end up, I am content on taking it a day at a time. Having a normal life outside of the Chantry.
[ It's said gently, and she dips her head to try to catch his gaze. ]
I'm here until the Wardens are released from their service. The Inquisition has no obligation to keep me, no matter how considerate the Inquisitor has been. I understand that. It's all right.
[ She isn't disappointed. What she's been offered has been more than kind. She has a chance to bring the Wardens back onto a path of redemption while also fixing her own mistakes. She is letting the world know she is still alive and still trying to make amends. But she isn't really a part of the Inquisition like he is.
[ That stings, more than it likely should. And Cullen can't help the frown he bears for it, even when their gazes meet. He certainly could argue that Neria certainly does have a place, that she is valued and he's certain everyone else feels the same. But would that be purely out of selfishness and bias? Cullen knows her better than those around them, even with their short time together those ten years ago. It is in a remaining infatuation he has tried to avoid even now, especially now when he had tried so hard to push those feelings down. ]
I can't force you to feel otherwise... That much I know.
[ Cullen's smile is forced, fragile. And it dies when he's asked about what plans he has. ]
I have none, I'm afraid.
I left The Order. I am an Ex-Templar with duties for a temporary situation until the chaos plaguing Thedas comes to an end. I will be relieved as the Commander to the Inquisition, though they may someday call upon me again, should war break out.
[ Such a fate saddens him. While he disagrees with The Order, what other purpose does he have after all of this? Will he merely train recruits in expectation for another war that may never happen? If they truly achieve peace? Cullen's grip on her hands loosen, though they don't outright let go. ]
[ He weakly laughs and shakes his head. ]
For fourteen years, I merely followed orders and went wherever I'd been sent. Being my own person sounds daunting as it is preposterous.
So I... Suppose I will take it a day at a time. Doing what? I couldn't be sure.
[ Of course, he wants a family. To settle down, but that seems as unlikely as his future purpose seems. ]
[ No, he can't. And in truth, this is one path she has to travel on her own. She does not want someone else trying to make amends for her or asking for leniency. If the Inquisition requests that she stay, then she will give it thought, but until such a future is set in stone, she can't make such assumptions. And how she feels about herself is something only she can resolve, no matter the confidence Cullen gives her.
She purses her lip in thought, watching him closely. ]
Then you have the freedom to make your own future, one way or another. You're already leading by example, showing people that there is a better way for a Templar - or ex-Templar - to serve the people without being restricted by vows. I think that is a wonderful place to start.
[ But that sort of freedom also comes with time to reflect and time to be critical of oneself. Neria knows from experience how quickly her life fell apart when every purpose she had - as a Circle mage, as a Warden, as Warden-Commander - slipped through her fingers. Some of it, of course, was simply fate. Some of it was self-inflicted. She doesn't want that sort of future for him.
Gently, she turns one of his hands over so she cover it with her own. ]
You sound as uncertain and as lost as I do.
[ She makes a feeble attempt at a smile which dissolves into another frown, and she looks down at their hands again. What if the Wardens don't need her? What if she finds she can move on, too, and do something with her life beyond chasing redemption? She still wants to find a cure for the Calling...but that does not require her to exile herself in the wastes. ]
...I would stay with you, Cullen. Whatever it is you want to become, I would like to support that.
[ Neria looks up at him. ]
I won't disappear this time. I don't...think I can, after coming back to-- To this.
[ There is a point in the conversation where he believes that hanging on every word would prove to be fruitless. He forces himself to settle on the fact that Neria will disappear again, that he will be left to wonder what might have been. The future isn't promised to any of them, and just as much had been proven the first time she had been presumed as dead. There is some solace in knowing that her disappearance would be of choice, of moving on rather than going in exile and making everyone think she has passed. But it still leaves so much unanswered, so many questions and just a visual of their fingers tangled and their palms pressed together. ]
[ He manages a weak, crooked smile at the mention of what seemingly positive future he has. But it's hard to believe, especially when such a future just seems so lonely. Without orders and a battle to fight, what else does he have? Of course, he could go back to his siblings... But Maker, would they even want to? After how horribly wrong he has been in keeping the lines of communication open? ]
[ I would stay with you... Those words hit him like a ton of bricks, certainly words he hadn't expected her to say when she had just made it seem apparent she would leave. The promise of her not disappearing seals it, and Cullen meets Neria's gaze with a look of shock and disbelief. There is hope in that gaze, a hope that makes his eyes briefly gloss over with wetness and threaten to overflow. He'd let himself grow so attached, so hopeful of... Something that he isn't quite certain of between them. But it was something, and that was enough. It was better than going the rest of his life wondering what else could have been said. ]
Neria, I--
[ He clears his throat, forcing the emotion that threatens to undo him back down. It requires that he look away again, where they look back at their hands as they tighten around hers. They shake a touch, and he scoots his chair forward enough that their knees touch. In a moment of weakness and doubt of their existence yet again, he moves his hands to feel her pulse weakly through her gloves again. ]
I would hate for you to become complacent for my sake. Don't let my ill-advised attachment hold you down. I am not...
[ The year she had spent with her companions when she first became a Warden was the happiest time of her life. It's an odd thing to think about, that their every day forays with death and danger would be happy for her...but Neria had no family, no future, and in traveling with people she could trust and rely on, people she could love and care for, she found peace and solace. She found a home. And then, she had been complacent and overly hopeful, and the promise of a brighter tomorrow after the Blight seemed so far away. She never took the opportunity to tell them how she felt or how happy she had been, and in her desperation, she only ended up pushing them all away.
Not again. Never again, not with the people she has left, not with Leliana or Alistair or Cullen. She can't.
But that only scratches the surface. She has grown comfortable with Cullen, in their secrets and shared misery, in the care they have given one another. He has offered her hope when she had none, faith when she had lost it all. Can she do nothing less than offer the same? And her feelings, how she's grown attached-- She can't deny those, either, even if it is difficult to put them to words or know the extent of them at this juncture. They are grown; he is not her guardian and she is not his charge. The boundaries they had no longer apply. He is her friend, her ally, her comrade, and her partner. That has been enough.
Does she want more? She has to search herself, but the answer is yes. Is she ready for it? That...she does not know. But she knows she wants to support him, to walk beside him and be with him, and that can be suitable enough for her to make the offer she has. ]
I don't know how I would be complacent in doing this, and I certainly wouldn't be weighing myself down. Cullen, you're my friend, you are--
[ The words stick. She doesn't want him to think he is only a friend, that this will spin nowhere, and that she is putting a wall between them. She just doesn't know how to express how she feels when she hasn't done it before with anyone else like this. ]
You are important to me. Like it or not, I care about you. And I want to be here with you. This... All of this wouldn't be the same without you here. Why would I feel like you - you, of all people - are holding me down?
[ Just as she always has managed, the hurt that began burning within him is smoothed over by the genuine touch only Neria has. He's not used to this... To having feel so much for one person, and to know that it is nearly the same for the other. There is no doubt that his fellow advisors care for him, that Cassandra cares. Cullen has had the privilege of fighting beside so many incredible people, who trust him and support his decisions. But none have given as much as Neria has, both in what little had happened between them those ten years ago, and what she has given him in the weeks that followed her joining the cause. In their partnership, they have a trust and bond that no one else can touch. ]
[ To know that she cares for him as much as he cares for her? It is quite possibly the best gift he has ever been given. Neria reassures him, tells him that this is not out of pity or obligation, but out of a strong attachment they share. His heart swells, his cheeks warm and the smile he gives is finally genuine when he looks her in the eye. ]
I suppose it would be cruel to argue any further.
[ He laughs. ]
Forgive me. My intention was not to accuse you of offering out of obligation or pity. I'm sure that is how it came across.
I just...
[ Cullen swallows thickly, his thumbs roll lazy circles along her knuckles, where letting go of her hands might mean the end of him at this point. Even with how he nervously seems to tremble. He isn't good at these kinds of talks, of finding himself this close to someone. ]
I care for you just as much. I berate myself for having allowed myself to become so attached to you, but I saw the futility in avoiding such a thing as soon as you entered Skyhold. What I felt ten years ago never left me, no matter how much I protested.
The idea of you leaving? After all this and all we've been through? Reconciled?
I shiver at the thought. It pains me to think of a life without you. If you are to stay without regret, and not out of obligation?
I swear on my life that I will make it worth your while.
[ It pains me to think of a life without you. And she had left him for ten years believing she was dead. Neria tries to quell the guilt and while she does not quite succeed, she manages to at least set it aside for the moment. She has hurt so many people and she still feels so frustrated with her own naivety and blindness to think that letting him believe she was gone was ever a good choice. They had not departed on good terms, that much is true...but he deserved better. She is trying to make it up to him.
She doesn't want to leave. If she has to, she will, and she has no qualms with returning to the work she once focused on. But the idea of going back to that old structure, to the loneliness and the quiet, fills her with dread.
Perhaps he has made her complacent in wanting something more, in hoping for more out of her existence. She knows if she insinuated such, he would tell her that she deserves more than she allows. Neria lets out a shaky exhale of nerves, her hands never leaving his. She isn't very good about communicating her feelings without the cup overflowing. All of this is new to her. But she wants to try, at least. ]
I don't...want to leave. But I also know that no one is obligated to offer me a chance to stay in any capacity, not after...everything.
[ And he can argue that all he wishes, but the truth is plain: she is a stranger to almost everyone and her last 'good deed' was in killing the Archdemon ten years prior. By all rights, she isn't owed anything.
It's obvious that for all her silver-tongued glibness when it comes to most anything else, speaking from the heart is more difficult for her, as it is for him. She swallows, finally slipping one hand from his grip so she can lift it to his face. Her thumb brushes over his cheek. ]
I don't need promises. You should know that I haven't been this content in ten years. And I haven't felt anything this...this strong or-- I'm happier with you than I was. I would be at peace with this, if you'd allow me.
[ He questions not where this is going, what all of this means. Cullen finds comfort in not only her words, but her gestures, and he hangs on to every single one. To know that he has caused her happiness means the world to him and sets his heart at ease. Knowing that she doesn't want to leave does just as much, if not more. Even if the Inquisition were to relieve her, he would certainly do all he could to keep her there. ]
You honor me with such words.
[ Cullen reaches for the hand that cups his face, holding it a brief moment before his hand caresses her forearm. ]
I would not have it any other way, my lady. Anything you want from me, anything I can give... It is yours.
[ They were planning an attack at the Winter Palace not too long ago. But Cullen couldn't say when things too such a strange turn. Though he worries not, especially not when he finds himself lost in her gaze, content in her touch where he seeks out more. Once he would have considered this inappropriate, and part of him still does... But she is no longer his charge, now his equal and his partner. There is no guilt in how he looks at her and how she touches him, and it brings a smile to his face. ]
You've already given me so much. There's nothing else I can ask for.
[ He has given her loyalty, solace, comfort, patience... Things she has not felt worthy of in such a long time. Even now, she doesn't feel worthy of what he's given her. If anyone feels honored, it is her, and she has no way to properly express that to him that won't incite another roundabout discussion. Her hand falls from his cheek to his jaw, cradling it there, her eyes never leaving his face. If anything is to happen between them, if anything should happen to them, if she should lose him... She wants to memorize this moment, to remember the way he looks at her now. If she has to leave, she will remember this and keep it with her for the rest of her days.
Cullen has accepted her, sins and all, and it hurts her chest just as it makes her heart swell to bursting.
And she says nothing for some time, uncertain, until her hand squeezes his and she clears her throat. Her gaze drops from his but the smile remains, crooked and awkward. ]
We should...focus on what we were doing. We'll have to leave and prepare.
[ It's so difficult to say those words but they have a duty to fulfill. She's promised herself that she won't let this chance fall by the wayside, and she won't. But for now...the Inquisition needs the both of them focused on the task at hand, lest something happen in their ignorance. ]
But we can return to this another time. I promise.
[ Silence falls over them so quickly, lasting the better half of an eternity. Cullen cannot find enough comfort in that, and he is content to simply get lost in her gaze until he draws his final breath. What has been forged between them and what is to come is unknown, unsaid. But it is in Neria's gaze and the way she touches his face so fondly that he can only assume that this doesn't end here. No matter what goes on outside of this room and what is to occur in their near future, there is confidence in this. In what is before them, even as unnamed as it may be. ]
[ Cullen finds himself holding on to her arm, a gentle grasp where his thumb caresses soft skin. Such a contrast to the hardened figure that she maintains, that has seen so much battle and bloodshed. He could only see her as an angel, truly, even with the darkness that follows her and often shrouds her in guilt and despair. What he would do to wash all of that away for her, to give her another chance she so rightfully deserves. Even if she doesn't think so. ]
[ His eyes fall upon her lips, where they remain for some time. What should he do? Should he act upon feelings that have bottled up for so long? Or should he maintain the propriety that he should expect to be held as they are partners in command? It's clear that it is only he who feels this way, judging by the constant prying his fellow advisors and leader have maintained since her arrival. But before he can even act or say another word, Neria lets go and turns back to their work. ]
[ Right. There are more important matters to attend to first. Cullen breaks away, hand immediately retreating to the back of his neck to nurse a nervous tick. ]
Yes. You're right.
[ Letting go of her hand is nearly painful, as if he is tearing his own limb. But they can continue this discussion at a later, unknown date. ]
Alright.
[ The rest of the evening is left for planning and arranging the proper forms of contact needed. They send for messenger birds, ones who will arrive with the plans necessary before their return to Skyhold. The journey itself takes some time, crossing from Crestwood back to the Frostbacks where they will immediately take leave for Halamshiral. It is a slow process, an agonizing journey where tensions are high among all of them. There is no telling as to whether or not Corypheus will truly be there, or what his followers have in store. ]
[ The matter at hand is particularly in regards to Duke Gaspard and Briala, where the tensions of civil war have made taking sides both all too simple and dangerous amongst the other advisors. There are talks, debates on the way to the palace, but they are silenced quickly once they are to pass through the gates. From then on, it is all about playing the Game and playing it right, to which Cullen absolutely dreads. ]
[ He is provided a post, just as the rest of them. With Cullen and Neria having arranged their proper groups just outside of the palace walls. His post is within the ballroom, where he attempts to remain both quiet and appear to be interested in the party. Upon delegation and discussion with the Inquisitor, he awaits both information and command she sees fit to provide. ]
[ Time will move slowly, just as it tends to do in times of stress and eagerness. What feels like hours are merely a few minutes, though it is shocking to see how quickly a crowd of people have decided to circle around him. He feels alone in a sea of strangers, blood boiling as they fawn over him like a caged creature. ]
Good evening. [ He forces a smile and bow to a gentleman approaching him, one out of many. While Cullen can't see behind the shining mask that covers him, he certainly can feel the shit-eating grin that radiates behind it. ]
It certainly is, Commander. [ The gentleman gives a bow, almost too eagerly. ] Now that I have gotten myself both acquainted with the Inquisition and the fine festivities-- You stand out so gallantly in such a marvelous shade of crimson. Far finer than even the décor surrounding us.
[ Cullen shifts his glance away, clearing his throat. ]
I, er--
Thank... You?
[ The gentleman laughs. ] Modest? Surely, you hear compliments such as that often.
[ Cullen can't press against the wall hard enough, especially when a couple gaggling women adjacent to him have to agree. And passionately. ]
I have heard... Enough remarks similar. Mostly just tonight.
[ Planning for the affair seems easier, in hindsight, to actually attending the soiree. Duke Gaspard has taken it upon himself to invite them, either to cheat Celene out of the chance or because he needs the protection and backing the Inquisition offers. In either case, they make their way into the ballroom and to their respective posts upon being announced to the room, and Neria has to do her best to keep still. She wants to be moving around, investigating, asking questions...but she has acquiesced to the Inquisitor's request that she take a position to help keep eyes out for the usurper in their midst.
The nobility that approach her seem torn between fascination and fear, all questioning whether she is a ghost or if select rumors have some merit (that the Breach brought her back from the grave, that the Herald might be dabbling in blood magic) that she spends the better part of an hour denying every which way.
Interest in her, at least, seems to wax and wane then; there are still individuals interested in speaking to her (and making foolish passes, of course), but the majority of people more interested in gathering dirt on the Inquisitor or making Neria out to be some kind of monster seem to pass on to pester the other advisors and the Inquisitor's companions. It's then that she is better able to scan the room for their potential target, anyone suspicious--
And her eyes land on Cullen in the corner, practically surrounded by various people. She can't help but smile; he's as uncomfortable as a mage in a Templar mess hall, fidgeting under the scrutinizing gaze of so many people.
Carefully, she slips away from her post just to go lend him a hand. ]
Commander.
[ Her voice alone is enough to get a few heads to turn. She doesn't smile, regarding the scene as if she would judge recruits. ]
Commander, the Inquisitor requests your presence in the foyer.
[ He tries to remind himself often that this should be the least of his worries right now, and that the persistent company he is keeping is far less threatening than what awaits them. Though, the usurper could easily be amongst those who are crowding him, and Cullen is forced to make face through the entirety of it. There is a lingering headache that begins to grow, and his face hurts from the smile he has faked since the beginning. ]
[ The familiar voice that calls him from beyond the crowd is welcomed and comforting, immediately. Even if there is likely bad news to follow, being pulled away from this crowd is certainly preferable to what is likely in store for him. Cullen hears the disappointing moans of a few when they clear way for Neria. ]
[ His gaze meets with hers, testing it, wondering and hoping she is truly just trying to pull him away. Cullen matches her expression. ]
Very well.
[ He bows his head in the direction of his company. ]
If you would excuse me, please.
[ And he walks by, hearing the plea of a woman requesting he not take too long. It's in that passing that he feels what can only likely be a hand brushing along his behind that he pauses, darting his head back to look and realizing he is too late to catch who did it. ]
[ Cullen straightens himself, makes face, and quickly comes to Neria's side. Quietly, he gestures for her to lead. ]
[ Neria only lifts a single eyebrow at the crowd, as if testing what they will say. Her eyes scan their faces, all hidden by masks, and she tries to pick out any obvious characteristics among them. Surely there must be something they are missing, something obvious. A sneer, a chuckle, someone carrying themselves differently... But there's nothing, always nothing.
What are they missing?
She keeps her expression as unchanging as possible, all professional even as Cullen joins her, and especially as she hears the quiet giggles as Cullen turns back. She leads him out of the throng and far enough away from his admirers before she speaks. ]
I'm starting to miss fighting Darkspawn. I'd take mindless monsters over mindless airheads tonight.
[ At least the older men and women in the gathering tonight have provided enough intellectual discussion for her not to feel as if she might scream. Neria enjoys the Game for what it is, for the calculated measures, but the sheer level of foolishness in some of the attendees tonight leave much to be desired. ]
She's not actually looking for you, you know. I thought you could use some air after...all of that.
[ And it gives them the opportunity to get a different perspective on the area they've been watching for some time. ]
[ Cullen has run into a similar issue, unable to read those around him. It is as frustrating as it is discomforting, knowing that any moment they could see a greater threat in the midst. It doesn't help that Cullen isn't much a fan of parties. ]
[ Once they reach a decent distance from the crowd, Cullen is able to breathe. He exhales heavily, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. ]
Maker, the headache this is giving me. I would hate to sound cruel, but I can't help but agree with you. How Josephine deals with such matters often is beyond me. I can't help but admire her tenacity with these sorts of people.
[ His hand drops, and he meets Neria's gaze, a relieved smile. ]
Because most people aren't this foolish in their hedonism. The narcissism in this room could be cut with a knife. At least Josephine has worked with more intelligent and stimulating characters over the past few months.
[ The masks make her uncomfortable, too, truth be told. They are a few faces in a sea of unknowns and it makes her almost sick to her stomach. She can't turn in any direction without being faced by someone with gold or silver adornments or false smiles in place. It's terribly distracting.
She gives Cullen a brief smile as well as they walk towards the large doors leading to the foyer. ]
Don't thank me yet. I've bought you a few minutes at best. We can't spend too long away from our posts, even though Leliana and Josephine have their eyes on the floor too. Still, it seemed a fine excuse for the moment.
[ There is a nauseating feeling this place gives him, the masks merely encouraging it deep in the pit of his stomach. Everything done and said sounds so fake, so rehearsed. While Cullen is used to holding immediate suspicion to strangers surrounding him, there is a far more difficult challenge in reading the people here. He's spent this whole time eagerly and anxiously awaiting what the Inquisitor's investigations find, stuck in a corner to await orders. It feels terribly agonizing, even if it is productive all the same. ]
[ Once they arrive to the foyer, Cullen finds refuge at a railing, where his hands rest along the surface and prop him up for a lean. ]
With how painfully slow this evening has started to play out, mere minutes may last an eternity. I'll find relief in even thirty seconds away from those people. Here's to hoping they give up and move away from my post.
[ But he's sure they won't. And Cullen wears a crooked smile to such a thought. He turns a touch, facing her while one elbow leans on the railing for support. ]
How are you fairing? Word has already flown clear across the ballroom about you quite possibly being a demon having escaped the afterlife. No doubt they've had quite the time pointing out the irony in my partnering with you.
[ While he takes a moment to recuperate, she stands tall, her eyes on the people milling about around them. Still, there's no sign of anyone of import, though she can see a few dwarves hanging about in the upstairs. A few former generals have congregated nearby and are muttering war stories to one another, while others gossip in a corner nearby. No one has any real tells and there are far too many people for the four of them to keep track of. At least the Empress is surrounded by her guards for the moment.
Unless the guards have a traitor in their midst. Maker, this is getting to be too much.
She makes a quiet little noise, not quite a chuckle, and she shakes her head. ]
Oh, there's a myriad of things being said. I've been possessed by a demon from the Breach, that you're keeping me on a tight leash lest I lose my mind. That the Inquisitor practices blood magic. That I brought Corypheus' archdemon with me as I was spit back up from the Void. Take your pick, they're all equally ridiculous.
[ Spurred on by boredom and bred by fear of the Inquisition's power, as well as Kaia's mysterious hand. ]
At the very least, they seem frightened enough of me to resist trying to fondle any of my assets.
[ Tied in with the stress of the situation, the absolutely awful rumors are enough to make his head spin. Though, this was to be expected. It is understandable that doubtfuls would find her ten-year absence a cause for concern when she so suddenly appears out of nowhere. But Neria would not be the first to put herself in exile. ]
[ Cullen can't help but chuckle at the mention of a "tight leash". Such a thought is as despicable as it is ridiculous. And it only ties back in to the supposed irony he has been accused of living in. ]
You would think the dire situation we are in would hold higher precedence than mere rumor and the spitting of poison.
[ He raises a brow at that clear mention she made of being fondled. ]
You saw that? I couldn't have possibly turned around any faster and I still could not find the culprit. Perhaps I am not maintaining a threatening enough posture. Surely, you must show me how to be more intimidating.
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Know that I and the Inquisition appreciate and value your sacrifice. Wardens are valuable, just as the entirety of our troops are. I know that you will do right by them, and they are fortunate to have you as their leader.
[ But the subject takes a turn to him, surely a change in direction that he would rather avoid. Cullen hates talking about himself, about his mistakes that have led him to his final decision. Neria and him have been practically attached by the hip since her joining the Inquisition, and the question would have certainly come up eventually. He owes Neria honesty, just as much as she has given him. ]
[ She looks concerned, scared, and Cullen squeezes her hand in reassurance, while the other holds up in protest. ]
I'm fine.
[ He wants to make that very clear, even if there may be a bit of a lie in there. While the symptoms haven't piqued quite yet, they are there. Before, he could get away with a few hours of sleep, but that becomes more a challenge as each night passes. ]
[ He lowers his hand, letting it join the other where he holds Neria's in both of them. ]
We are in this together, but I was waiting for a more appropriate time to tell you.
Yes, I stopped taking lyrium. Before you arrived, actually. After what I had witnessed in my service as a Templar, I decided to distance myself from that life. My vows have been broken, and I will accept whatever consequences follow.
[ And he smiles, forced as it may be. ]
I have support. I have asked Cassandra to keep an eye on me, to determine whether or not I am to leave my post. But I've doubts it will come to that, I won't let my decision interfere with the task at hand.
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But she had wondered. He has looked healthier, seems to be doing better in some respects than other Templars she has met. It doesn't mean he is well by any means, nor that he is free of pain, but it means the chain is broken.
She takes his other hand in hers and holds it tightly. ]
No one from the Chantry or the Templars should criticize the decision you have made. The Order is a mess and you said it yourself, you couldn't follow what they were asking you to do. But you could be in far more danger without it if--
[ No. He's handled himself so far, hasn't he? She has to trust him. Her exhaled sigh is tight, controlled, and she squeezes his hands again. ]
You are very, very brave to have done this. If there's anything I can do, please tell me. I can brew you up some potions or... I've been a healer for ten years now. Whatever I can, I want to do for you.
[ He has given her so much and the sudden thought that she could lose him to madness, to hallucinations, or even to death suddenly wracks her core. She can't imagine what it would be like now for him to be gone. ]
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I've heard... Remarks. That I have abandoned The Order, as if I should be ashamed of myself for doing so. And perhaps I might be, even just a little.
[ The smile turns into a frown, where his gaze looks down to their hands. He quite likes the sight of them, and has always found comfort in it each time they've been like this. To physically be reminded that Neria is alive and well helps keep him on the right side of reality. Maker knows he has doubted even his own existence during the worst of his withdrawal episodes. Perhaps that is why he's been more physical with her than he ever thought he might be. But Neria seems to find just as much comfort in it, and for that he is grateful. ]
When I was a boy, all I wanted was to help people. To become a Templar and bring pride to my family's name. It was so different back then...
My heart still breaks to know that The Order in which I found so much pride in has been tainted with corruption. Were I able to change things, I would do everything in my power. But such things are not possible, not now.
[ Cullen's gaze meets with her's once more, locked and bearing as much of a calm demeanor as he can. He is touched by her offer, but he isn't certain he is quite prepared to accept the use of magic to ease his pain. There is immediate guilt in such a thought-- Surely, he trusts her. But what if... ]
Your presence by my side is more than enough, my lady. While I found pride in maintaining the troops on my own, I am glad we've accepted your help. And I am proud to work beside you, as equals.
I promise, you need not worry about me. I'm not going anywhere.
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[ If he had stayed, he could have been like them, like the other soldiers turned into monstrous creatures. That thought alone leaves her cold and she twines their fingers together even as she shakes her head. She can't imagine it. She can't. It's despicable enough that they have to fight some of his former comrades, even if he never met them personally. She can't allow herself to imagine what it might have been like in another time, another world, if he hadn't left. ]
Perhaps, when this is over...
[ But when the war is over, she will leave. That is to be expected. She pushes that aside. ]
I'm glad you're here with us. With me. I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without you.
[ Not without his comfort or his strength. He has had faith in her when she had none of it for herself. ]
The offer is open, if you ever need anything. As I said, I know a few potions and tonics that can help with the symptoms, if nothing else.
[ Maker knows she's needed to use them for her own troubled sleeping and difficult days. She sighs, looking briefly down at their hands to assure herself that what he says is true. He isn't going anywhere. He will be fine. ]
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[ She doesn't finish the sentence, and he knows what that means. Cullen's smile fades, eyes colored with what can only be assumed as hurt or concern. ]
When this is over...
Where will you go?
[ Because he selfishly hopes that she plans to stay, even if he is certain that is not her plan. He knows her well enough, knows her guilt will take her elsewhere. Such a thought breaks his heart, and he can't help but wish to convince her otherwise. ]
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At last, she sighs. ]
Go to Denerim, first. I have been...trading correspondence with Alistair and I imagine it's time we both sit down and have a long talk about what's happened.
[ She's avoiding what Cullen is really asking, which is Will you leave? Slowly, she lifts her gaze to meet his. ]
I haven't decided what I'll do or where I'll go. I could go back, continue what I was working on, but...
[ But... ]
I should continue to look after the Wardens here, what's left of them. They will need a home and someone to guide them. Weisshaupt has, effectively, abandoned them to their fates. It would be wrong of me to do the same.
Beyond that-- I don't know.
[ Would it be wrong of her to stay? Is it selfish to hope the Inquisition will allow her to do that, even with what she's done? In her mind, yes, it would be. She can't continue to take advantage of their kindness. ]
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Oh, I... Suppose that makes sense.
[ Cullen looks down, disappointed. ]
You... Do know that you have a place in Skyhold. While I am not sure as to where I will particularly end up, I am content on taking it a day at a time. Having a normal life outside of the Chantry.
[ It's a better way of begging her to stay. ]
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[ It's said gently, and she dips her head to try to catch his gaze. ]
I'm here until the Wardens are released from their service. The Inquisition has no obligation to keep me, no matter how considerate the Inquisitor has been. I understand that. It's all right.
[ She isn't disappointed. What she's been offered has been more than kind. She has a chance to bring the Wardens back onto a path of redemption while also fixing her own mistakes. She is letting the world know she is still alive and still trying to make amends. But she isn't really a part of the Inquisition like he is.
Her hands squeeze his for a moment. ]
Do you have plans once all of this is over?
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I can't force you to feel otherwise... That much I know.
[ Cullen's smile is forced, fragile. And it dies when he's asked about what plans he has. ]
I have none, I'm afraid.
I left The Order. I am an Ex-Templar with duties for a temporary situation until the chaos plaguing Thedas comes to an end. I will be relieved as the Commander to the Inquisition, though they may someday call upon me again, should war break out.
[ Such a fate saddens him. While he disagrees with The Order, what other purpose does he have after all of this? Will he merely train recruits in expectation for another war that may never happen? If they truly achieve peace? Cullen's grip on her hands loosen, though they don't outright let go. ]
[ He weakly laughs and shakes his head. ]
For fourteen years, I merely followed orders and went wherever I'd been sent. Being my own person sounds daunting as it is preposterous.
So I... Suppose I will take it a day at a time. Doing what? I couldn't be sure.
[ Of course, he wants a family. To settle down, but that seems as unlikely as his future purpose seems. ]
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She purses her lip in thought, watching him closely. ]
Then you have the freedom to make your own future, one way or another. You're already leading by example, showing people that there is a better way for a Templar - or ex-Templar - to serve the people without being restricted by vows. I think that is a wonderful place to start.
[ But that sort of freedom also comes with time to reflect and time to be critical of oneself. Neria knows from experience how quickly her life fell apart when every purpose she had - as a Circle mage, as a Warden, as Warden-Commander - slipped through her fingers. Some of it, of course, was simply fate. Some of it was self-inflicted. She doesn't want that sort of future for him.
Gently, she turns one of his hands over so she cover it with her own. ]
You sound as uncertain and as lost as I do.
[ She makes a feeble attempt at a smile which dissolves into another frown, and she looks down at their hands again. What if the Wardens don't need her? What if she finds she can move on, too, and do something with her life beyond chasing redemption? She still wants to find a cure for the Calling...but that does not require her to exile herself in the wastes. ]
...I would stay with you, Cullen. Whatever it is you want to become, I would like to support that.
[ Neria looks up at him. ]
I won't disappear this time. I don't...think I can, after coming back to-- To this.
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[ He manages a weak, crooked smile at the mention of what seemingly positive future he has. But it's hard to believe, especially when such a future just seems so lonely. Without orders and a battle to fight, what else does he have? Of course, he could go back to his siblings... But Maker, would they even want to? After how horribly wrong he has been in keeping the lines of communication open? ]
[ I would stay with you... Those words hit him like a ton of bricks, certainly words he hadn't expected her to say when she had just made it seem apparent she would leave. The promise of her not disappearing seals it, and Cullen meets Neria's gaze with a look of shock and disbelief. There is hope in that gaze, a hope that makes his eyes briefly gloss over with wetness and threaten to overflow. He'd let himself grow so attached, so hopeful of... Something that he isn't quite certain of between them. But it was something, and that was enough. It was better than going the rest of his life wondering what else could have been said. ]
Neria, I--
[ He clears his throat, forcing the emotion that threatens to undo him back down. It requires that he look away again, where they look back at their hands as they tighten around hers. They shake a touch, and he scoots his chair forward enough that their knees touch. In a moment of weakness and doubt of their existence yet again, he moves his hands to feel her pulse weakly through her gloves again. ]
I would hate for you to become complacent for my sake. Don't let my ill-advised attachment hold you down. I am not...
Your life is not determined by my own.
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Not again. Never again, not with the people she has left, not with Leliana or Alistair or Cullen. She can't.
But that only scratches the surface. She has grown comfortable with Cullen, in their secrets and shared misery, in the care they have given one another. He has offered her hope when she had none, faith when she had lost it all. Can she do nothing less than offer the same? And her feelings, how she's grown attached-- She can't deny those, either, even if it is difficult to put them to words or know the extent of them at this juncture. They are grown; he is not her guardian and she is not his charge. The boundaries they had no longer apply. He is her friend, her ally, her comrade, and her partner. That has been enough.
Does she want more? She has to search herself, but the answer is yes. Is she ready for it? That...she does not know. But she knows she wants to support him, to walk beside him and be with him, and that can be suitable enough for her to make the offer she has. ]
I don't know how I would be complacent in doing this, and I certainly wouldn't be weighing myself down. Cullen, you're my friend, you are--
[ The words stick. She doesn't want him to think he is only a friend, that this will spin nowhere, and that she is putting a wall between them. She just doesn't know how to express how she feels when she hasn't done it before with anyone else like this. ]
You are important to me. Like it or not, I care about you. And I want to be here with you. This... All of this wouldn't be the same without you here. Why would I feel like you - you, of all people - are holding me down?
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[ To know that she cares for him as much as he cares for her? It is quite possibly the best gift he has ever been given. Neria reassures him, tells him that this is not out of pity or obligation, but out of a strong attachment they share. His heart swells, his cheeks warm and the smile he gives is finally genuine when he looks her in the eye. ]
I suppose it would be cruel to argue any further.
[ He laughs. ]
Forgive me. My intention was not to accuse you of offering out of obligation or pity. I'm sure that is how it came across.
I just...
[ Cullen swallows thickly, his thumbs roll lazy circles along her knuckles, where letting go of her hands might mean the end of him at this point. Even with how he nervously seems to tremble. He isn't good at these kinds of talks, of finding himself this close to someone. ]
I care for you just as much. I berate myself for having allowed myself to become so attached to you, but I saw the futility in avoiding such a thing as soon as you entered Skyhold. What I felt ten years ago never left me, no matter how much I protested.
The idea of you leaving? After all this and all we've been through? Reconciled?
I shiver at the thought. It pains me to think of a life without you. If you are to stay without regret, and not out of obligation?
I swear on my life that I will make it worth your while.
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She doesn't want to leave. If she has to, she will, and she has no qualms with returning to the work she once focused on. But the idea of going back to that old structure, to the loneliness and the quiet, fills her with dread.
Perhaps he has made her complacent in wanting something more, in hoping for more out of her existence. She knows if she insinuated such, he would tell her that she deserves more than she allows. Neria lets out a shaky exhale of nerves, her hands never leaving his. She isn't very good about communicating her feelings without the cup overflowing. All of this is new to her. But she wants to try, at least. ]
I don't...want to leave. But I also know that no one is obligated to offer me a chance to stay in any capacity, not after...everything.
[ And he can argue that all he wishes, but the truth is plain: she is a stranger to almost everyone and her last 'good deed' was in killing the Archdemon ten years prior. By all rights, she isn't owed anything.
It's obvious that for all her silver-tongued glibness when it comes to most anything else, speaking from the heart is more difficult for her, as it is for him. She swallows, finally slipping one hand from his grip so she can lift it to his face. Her thumb brushes over his cheek. ]
I don't need promises. You should know that I haven't been this content in ten years. And I haven't felt anything this...this strong or-- I'm happier with you than I was. I would be at peace with this, if you'd allow me.
no subject
You honor me with such words.
[ Cullen reaches for the hand that cups his face, holding it a brief moment before his hand caresses her forearm. ]
I would not have it any other way, my lady. Anything you want from me, anything I can give... It is yours.
[ They were planning an attack at the Winter Palace not too long ago. But Cullen couldn't say when things too such a strange turn. Though he worries not, especially not when he finds himself lost in her gaze, content in her touch where he seeks out more. Once he would have considered this inappropriate, and part of him still does... But she is no longer his charge, now his equal and his partner. There is no guilt in how he looks at her and how she touches him, and it brings a smile to his face. ]
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[ He has given her loyalty, solace, comfort, patience... Things she has not felt worthy of in such a long time. Even now, she doesn't feel worthy of what he's given her. If anyone feels honored, it is her, and she has no way to properly express that to him that won't incite another roundabout discussion. Her hand falls from his cheek to his jaw, cradling it there, her eyes never leaving his face. If anything is to happen between them, if anything should happen to them, if she should lose him... She wants to memorize this moment, to remember the way he looks at her now. If she has to leave, she will remember this and keep it with her for the rest of her days.
Cullen has accepted her, sins and all, and it hurts her chest just as it makes her heart swell to bursting.
And she says nothing for some time, uncertain, until her hand squeezes his and she clears her throat. Her gaze drops from his but the smile remains, crooked and awkward. ]
We should...focus on what we were doing. We'll have to leave and prepare.
[ It's so difficult to say those words but they have a duty to fulfill. She's promised herself that she won't let this chance fall by the wayside, and she won't. But for now...the Inquisition needs the both of them focused on the task at hand, lest something happen in their ignorance. ]
But we can return to this another time. I promise.
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[ Cullen finds himself holding on to her arm, a gentle grasp where his thumb caresses soft skin. Such a contrast to the hardened figure that she maintains, that has seen so much battle and bloodshed. He could only see her as an angel, truly, even with the darkness that follows her and often shrouds her in guilt and despair. What he would do to wash all of that away for her, to give her another chance she so rightfully deserves. Even if she doesn't think so. ]
[ His eyes fall upon her lips, where they remain for some time. What should he do? Should he act upon feelings that have bottled up for so long? Or should he maintain the propriety that he should expect to be held as they are partners in command? It's clear that it is only he who feels this way, judging by the constant prying his fellow advisors and leader have maintained since her arrival. But before he can even act or say another word, Neria lets go and turns back to their work. ]
[ Right. There are more important matters to attend to first. Cullen breaks away, hand immediately retreating to the back of his neck to nurse a nervous tick. ]
Yes. You're right.
[ Letting go of her hand is nearly painful, as if he is tearing his own limb. But they can continue this discussion at a later, unknown date. ]
Alright.
[ The rest of the evening is left for planning and arranging the proper forms of contact needed. They send for messenger birds, ones who will arrive with the plans necessary before their return to Skyhold. The journey itself takes some time, crossing from Crestwood back to the Frostbacks where they will immediately take leave for Halamshiral. It is a slow process, an agonizing journey where tensions are high among all of them. There is no telling as to whether or not Corypheus will truly be there, or what his followers have in store. ]
[ The matter at hand is particularly in regards to Duke Gaspard and Briala, where the tensions of civil war have made taking sides both all too simple and dangerous amongst the other advisors. There are talks, debates on the way to the palace, but they are silenced quickly once they are to pass through the gates. From then on, it is all about playing the Game and playing it right, to which Cullen absolutely dreads. ]
[ He is provided a post, just as the rest of them. With Cullen and Neria having arranged their proper groups just outside of the palace walls. His post is within the ballroom, where he attempts to remain both quiet and appear to be interested in the party. Upon delegation and discussion with the Inquisitor, he awaits both information and command she sees fit to provide. ]
[ Time will move slowly, just as it tends to do in times of stress and eagerness. What feels like hours are merely a few minutes, though it is shocking to see how quickly a crowd of people have decided to circle around him. He feels alone in a sea of strangers, blood boiling as they fawn over him like a caged creature. ]
Good evening. [ He forces a smile and bow to a gentleman approaching him, one out of many. While Cullen can't see behind the shining mask that covers him, he certainly can feel the shit-eating grin that radiates behind it. ]
It certainly is, Commander. [ The gentleman gives a bow, almost too eagerly. ] Now that I have gotten myself both acquainted with the Inquisition and the fine festivities-- You stand out so gallantly in such a marvelous shade of crimson. Far finer than even the décor surrounding us.
[ Cullen shifts his glance away, clearing his throat. ]
I, er--
Thank... You?
[ The gentleman laughs. ] Modest? Surely, you hear compliments such as that often.
[ Cullen can't press against the wall hard enough, especially when a couple gaggling women adjacent to him have to agree. And passionately. ]
I have heard... Enough remarks similar. Mostly just tonight.
[ This party needs to end. Now. ]
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The nobility that approach her seem torn between fascination and fear, all questioning whether she is a ghost or if select rumors have some merit (that the Breach brought her back from the grave, that the Herald might be dabbling in blood magic) that she spends the better part of an hour denying every which way.
Interest in her, at least, seems to wax and wane then; there are still individuals interested in speaking to her (and making foolish passes, of course), but the majority of people more interested in gathering dirt on the Inquisitor or making Neria out to be some kind of monster seem to pass on to pester the other advisors and the Inquisitor's companions. It's then that she is better able to scan the room for their potential target, anyone suspicious--
And her eyes land on Cullen in the corner, practically surrounded by various people. She can't help but smile; he's as uncomfortable as a mage in a Templar mess hall, fidgeting under the scrutinizing gaze of so many people.
Carefully, she slips away from her post just to go lend him a hand. ]
Commander.
[ Her voice alone is enough to get a few heads to turn. She doesn't smile, regarding the scene as if she would judge recruits. ]
Commander, the Inquisitor requests your presence in the foyer.
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[ The familiar voice that calls him from beyond the crowd is welcomed and comforting, immediately. Even if there is likely bad news to follow, being pulled away from this crowd is certainly preferable to what is likely in store for him. Cullen hears the disappointing moans of a few when they clear way for Neria. ]
[ His gaze meets with hers, testing it, wondering and hoping she is truly just trying to pull him away. Cullen matches her expression. ]
Very well.
[ He bows his head in the direction of his company. ]
If you would excuse me, please.
[ And he walks by, hearing the plea of a woman requesting he not take too long. It's in that passing that he feels what can only likely be a hand brushing along his behind that he pauses, darting his head back to look and realizing he is too late to catch who did it. ]
[ Cullen straightens himself, makes face, and quickly comes to Neria's side. Quietly, he gestures for her to lead. ]
After you, Warden-Commander.
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What are they missing?
She keeps her expression as unchanging as possible, all professional even as Cullen joins her, and especially as she hears the quiet giggles as Cullen turns back. She leads him out of the throng and far enough away from his admirers before she speaks. ]
I'm starting to miss fighting Darkspawn. I'd take mindless monsters over mindless airheads tonight.
[ At least the older men and women in the gathering tonight have provided enough intellectual discussion for her not to feel as if she might scream. Neria enjoys the Game for what it is, for the calculated measures, but the sheer level of foolishness in some of the attendees tonight leave much to be desired. ]
She's not actually looking for you, you know. I thought you could use some air after...all of that.
[ And it gives them the opportunity to get a different perspective on the area they've been watching for some time. ]
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[ Once they reach a decent distance from the crowd, Cullen is able to breathe. He exhales heavily, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. ]
Maker, the headache this is giving me. I would hate to sound cruel, but I can't help but agree with you. How Josephine deals with such matters often is beyond me. I can't help but admire her tenacity with these sorts of people.
[ His hand drops, and he meets Neria's gaze, a relieved smile. ]
Thank you. You've earned many a favor from me.
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[ The masks make her uncomfortable, too, truth be told. They are a few faces in a sea of unknowns and it makes her almost sick to her stomach. She can't turn in any direction without being faced by someone with gold or silver adornments or false smiles in place. It's terribly distracting.
She gives Cullen a brief smile as well as they walk towards the large doors leading to the foyer. ]
Don't thank me yet. I've bought you a few minutes at best. We can't spend too long away from our posts, even though Leliana and Josephine have their eyes on the floor too. Still, it seemed a fine excuse for the moment.
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[ Once they arrive to the foyer, Cullen finds refuge at a railing, where his hands rest along the surface and prop him up for a lean. ]
With how painfully slow this evening has started to play out, mere minutes may last an eternity. I'll find relief in even thirty seconds away from those people. Here's to hoping they give up and move away from my post.
[ But he's sure they won't. And Cullen wears a crooked smile to such a thought. He turns a touch, facing her while one elbow leans on the railing for support. ]
How are you fairing? Word has already flown clear across the ballroom about you quite possibly being a demon having escaped the afterlife. No doubt they've had quite the time pointing out the irony in my partnering with you.
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Unless the guards have a traitor in their midst. Maker, this is getting to be too much.
She makes a quiet little noise, not quite a chuckle, and she shakes her head. ]
Oh, there's a myriad of things being said. I've been possessed by a demon from the Breach, that you're keeping me on a tight leash lest I lose my mind. That the Inquisitor practices blood magic. That I brought Corypheus' archdemon with me as I was spit back up from the Void. Take your pick, they're all equally ridiculous.
[ Spurred on by boredom and bred by fear of the Inquisition's power, as well as Kaia's mysterious hand. ]
At the very least, they seem frightened enough of me to resist trying to fondle any of my assets.
[ Unlike some. She gives him a wry smile. ]
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[ Cullen can't help but chuckle at the mention of a "tight leash". Such a thought is as despicable as it is ridiculous. And it only ties back in to the supposed irony he has been accused of living in. ]
You would think the dire situation we are in would hold higher precedence than mere rumor and the spitting of poison.
[ He raises a brow at that clear mention she made of being fondled. ]
You saw that? I couldn't have possibly turned around any faster and I still could not find the culprit. Perhaps I am not maintaining a threatening enough posture. Surely, you must show me how to be more intimidating.
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WRONG JOURNAL, WOOPS
LMAO I WAS SO CONFUSED
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